She says R&D like I got more than one person willing to go on a date with me

A piece of fatherly advice on this subject that I think sums up her points succinctly: If you want someone to love you for you, then it's your job to make sure that you don't suck. Be lovable if you desire love.

Real take. I know people that gets divorced and lose everything at 50 years old.
Everyone at work saw it coming.

yeah exactly you don't really know someone until you see them at their worse.

This works with friends, too. I went on holiday with a girl for 2 weeks. Everything went wrong, she flipped out about it, I had to take control of the entire thing and she was incredibly horrible and kept making me feel stupid and treated me like a servant. You really don't know someone until you see them in a negative light.

As a 5'2" overweight Asian 27year old, I'm about to reach my 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend. I met her on a dating app, so don't discount those, you will have to weed through the trash, but there are worthwhile women there.

The best advice I can give to people is to love earnestly and honestly. You do not have the luxury of being cool and mysterious or having a "hoe phase",!especially if you're male, short and average-looking like me.

Love honestly. Make clear your intentions from the beginning, and leave no room for ambiguity, especially if you're looking for a fulfilling, long term relationship.

Lay your cards out on the table for her, and put the ball in her court. Give her your number instead of asking for hers. Ask and offer consent at all times, especially early on.

Good luck, brothers. It's tough out there, but you will find your person.

One of my problems with standards is I have very low self-esteem. Every time I turn anyone down for anything I go "Look at yourself, what right do you have? You're lucky they even want to be around you and you're spurning them." Of course, I also know this is delusional, so I wind up swinging wildly back and forth between "you are a bad person for wanting standards" and thinking every tiny detail is a red flag to be avoided "I know she's going to take advantage of me".  I know it's a problem, because I've never been in a relationship of any kind (SHOCKING, I know), a terrible cycle of being lonely but too terrified to reach out.

From my experience in my latest breakup, a tip I can give us that if you want to be loved for who you are, be honest with who you are. I know some of us are people pleasers and will alter themselves for their partners, but try not to do it with everything. Otherwise you end up in a relationship and the person loves the mask you where more than you and it'll always feel hollow and insecure.

I met Matara at Otakuthon, an anime convention in Montreal, Canada

I asked her what are some traits that women like her with high emotional maturity look for in their ideal partner, she mentioned patience, communication, boundaries, etc. And then said "Ghost of Mint, I like to half jokingly tell chat that our generation is cooked" 😂

On having children, my opinion is that you can have many reasons to want children, but at least one of the MUST BE SELFISH. You can have hundreds of reasons for pleasing the people or communities around, but unless you really want one for your own sake, you aren't in the right mindset for raising children. Sure enough you might get the selfish reason later and chances are that the child themselves become the reason for raising them, but they're not guaranteed. There's also an unfortunate chance of losing the reason you originally had later, but at least that isn't a problem of attitude going into it.

Maybe not direct dating advice, and maybe a more common one - but pay attention to how people treat servers, clerks, etc.
If someone is rude to people they deem "beneath" them that's an instant red flag imo.

alot of people need this advice

Something to note is that Matara is single and way more career oriented than most so take everything she says with a huge grain of salt. You don't need to fear commitment that much, if you get the big conversations out of the way early you won't need to be just acquaintances for that long.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Honestly, what she said at like 8:30 is honestly done more good in making me feel better than everyone saying "love yourself and work on yourself". Because I know for a fact working on myself isn't going to magically help. People have never wanted to date before my life went to shit, they aren't gonna want to date me just because I've gotten better again.

She’s so real. People place relationships on a pedestal but don’t realize that the other person is also a flawed person who is looking for their dream relationship.
But another issue is that a lot of people don’t have many options. For example, I desperately want to find love but I’ll only be able to find a person who’s interested in me once in a blue moon, so when I do find someone, I feel like I have to hold onto that opportunity even if they aren’t the best person for me.

HOW IS SHE SO EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT?!?!
Theres a lot she says that I really like and that resonates. Matara is like a wise aunt or something... Auntara...

It just feels so nice hearing Matara talking about stuff. Kind of like with GEEGA. I love how they can be real and honest and also funny gremlins too.

My ex showed me how she disagreed: Slaps to the face, then "joking" about having someone else's baby.

Talk about a mask slip after a year of lovie-dovie stuff. That was a real fucking eye opener.

I think how they behave after the first 90 days is a good indicator to the sorta person they are, at that point they've usually lowered their guard/gotten comfortable