You can't heal other people, they need to heal themselves.
Sure, you can be there and help them along the way. But they need to get the insights that heals there wounds.

I gave her three months to come back, I was done after that; she cried when she picked up here stuff. Don't know if it was because of relief or grief.

And no, I did not take it personal.
But it is still sad.

I am really glad to see new videos from you lately! I always love your insight and Karolina's too. I am devastated currently, as my avoidant ex has ghosted me for 45 days now. I feel like he's gone for good this time, and the sad thing is that we didn't have a disagreement or anything. Just vanished out of the blue and stopped texting me. :(

As I am a FA myself, I mostly know this from the inside as well.
This doubt onset is even worse in my case, as it tends to happen after any close connection, and I can't even feel it connected to the future plans (though there would be unspoken expectations I, being a FA, am sure to guess and predict).
But I get it even after deep conversations with friends. It's like I've used all my connecting ability in that burst, and now it needs to recharge. And during any downtime, core wounds raise their heads, and I also feel inadequate for be unable to speak, not enough for not being able to sustain it for longer, and so on.

Really appreciate this

I noticed this with my FA.  We would have an amazing time, then when I need to fly back, a long distance relationship, I noticed pretty as soon as I arrive she would panic. I noticed this quite often but was not sure why and I relayed this to her.  She accepted what was happening but was not sure why.

After 10 years together and dealing with avoidant I thought we had cracked it and I found ways to cope. When he lost his job he got worse and then one day, no real reason, he just left and I let him go. We now no longer speak at all. I could not believe it. He said we were only 80 per cent perfect. I lost my BFF but just could not cope

Her not letting you out of the wedding is kinda one of my favorite couple stories of all time. 😂

Thanks

But I think a component that’s not receiving enough emphasis is Gabriels self improvement intentions, which most avoidants don’t have. In earlier videos you mentioned you’ve always had that. Without that, it’s just never going to work out.

it is confusing because they can be fully present and loving in person, then they go stone cold. i mean, isn't space supposed to make them feel safer?

Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences - they truly help! Wow, when you talked about perfection, that really resonated. My person tries to be perfect (this includes acts of kindness and helping others). He takes pride in his conduct. No wonder I care for him. But in doing so, he cannot be himself. I think that is exhausting for him, but somehow it's his chosen blueprint for getting through this lifetime. I wonder if it's easier to feel doubts if you are exhausted on the inside, from always being perfect. He gives 110% to every area of life, so I know it is confusing to him, not knowing why his relationships are not benefiting from this 110% perfection and effort. Perhaps he senses that he is not truly expressing "him" and that causes more doubts, too?  This was an exceptional video, thank you!

🩷♥️

Gabriel, how often did Carolina text you between break ups?

I'm nearly three weeks into no contact an my heart is truly aching.

When he said "maybe it's better to be friends" but then when he left he gave me the longest hug and didn't want to let go then he kissed me, but neither of us said goodbye.

It took all my strength not to call his name and run to him, but I had to respect his wishes because he said his head was a mess.

What about someone who developed addiction to alcohol to avoid feelings? I think they need to get sober first before a relationship, right? Maybe to know they chose it with a sound mind?

I’m curious….what is the longest you two went no contact? He sent me a msg out of the blue “I’m dating someone and she’s here now” after telling me he needs time to grow. He’s more vulnerable with me than anyone, but this was a shock. I wonder if it’s even true. He is just coming off a career burnout and his nervous system is very dysregulated. There’s a lot, but we are a little over 30 days no contact.

What’s the longest you two were apart ? And how many times did you pull away total before finally committing ?

But what do you do if he blocks you everywhere ? I know all of this and i see through him, but how can i ignore the facts of what happened and the hurt he has caused me with this behavior. Even if i wanted to reach out im speechless. I havent talked to him since.

How tall are you out of curiosity