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How Complex Trauma Messes With Relationships | The Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 10

Tim Fletcher

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Why do we push away love or chase people who can’t give it? In this Friday Night Tim Talk, we explore the hidden patterns of complex trauma that impact trust, intimacy, emotional availability, and how we define love. Whether you're healing from childhood trauma, navigating relationship struggles, or curious about trauma-informed connection, this conversation is for you.

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#ComplexTrauma #CPTSD #HealingJourney #MentalHealthAwareness #EmotionalHealing #RelationshipPatterns #TraumaRecovery #TimTalks

00:00 Intro
00:22 Living by a Double Standard
02:25 Trust Issues
11:43 Authority Issues
19:45 Victim Mentality
25:54 Attracted to Emotionally Unavailable People
30:13 Distorted View of Love
33:12 Don't Know What Healthy Loyalty Is
36:43 Control Issues
42:13 More Aware of the Needs of Others
46:15 Conclusion

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DISCLAIMER:

Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist; he is a counsellor in Canada and has worked with people with Complex Trauma and Addiction for decades. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.

If you are in crisis, please contact your local crisis hotline at https://988.ca/, https://988lifeline.org/, dial 988, or call your local emergency services.

20 Comments

@TimFletcher Creator 1 year ago Pinned

The Relationships + Complex Trauma course bundle is here 🩵
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@gertipumb6695 1 year ago

3:59 "Most people with Complex Trauma have betrayal trauma. Broken trust is betrayal." Thx, Tim, for your true words. 🙋‍♀️

@HealthyMindProject 3 months ago

The distorted view of love, and second guessing those who do try to love us genuinely... that really resonsates with my lived experience of C-PTSD.

@josephleech7047 4 weeks ago

This guy should be given a medal!!! Gold of course!

@susanleblevec6613 1 year ago

The last thing my ex-husband said to me after 8 years of marriage was, “No one gets close to you.” After listening to a few of these videos, I’m beginning to understand why. It’s self-protection, survival.

@dennylukijaya 2 months ago

Thank you for pointing out how toxic and wrong I am…

@leila595 2 months ago

Insight and clarity should be the name of this channel. Thank you!

@aciddiver1978 1 year ago

Relationships are just not possible until healed.

@mignonnecherie5422 5 months ago

These are so eye opening and continually help me in supporting change in my life.
Single 19 years.
4 kids
6 grandkids.
Very blessed.
Come from a family of 10.
Parents are both gone,
The siblings are messy
I’ve pulled out and am doing different not supporting the family system engrained with control, conformity, unhealthy spirituality. I feel sick when I’m around them, and have tried to still show up but can not do that anymore. I have to continue to grow out of unhealthy ways. It’s been difficult yet, I am doing it with the support of my kiddos! I’m looked at as the bad rebellious one, who is divorced and left the church!
I feel great peace 💜

@Ayeli.Stokes 1 year ago

I was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder when I was 13 years old. I’m now 44, and let me tell you my life has been a long, hard road. I am about to make 2 years sober, but it took me a lifetime to figure out what was wrong with me. I used to sit and watch these videos in my addiction and feel like I could never make it to the other side, the healing side. But, I can now see and understand everything he is talking about because I am healing. To experience the healing side of recovery can’t really be understood unless you’re in it, doing it. When the pain of staying the same outweighed the pain of changing, a miracle happened in my life. I was in addiction for 27 years, if I can do this, anyone can! Thanks Tim for everything, I have healed so much from these videos.❤

@JesusistheOnlyWay222 1 year ago

2-5 years : it took my partner 4 years to learn he could trust me & yes he said he was testing me. Glad I/we hung in there. All glory to God 😊❤🎉

@lindseys49 1 year ago

The hardest part about being married to someone with complex trauma is they don’t realize anything about themselves….😢

@ChosenNarc 10 months ago

People with complex trauma don’t push others away for control, they do it for protection.

@mikechen8075 1 year ago

You are literally describing my life story and what I went through. Learning about the truth about myself is very painful. Thank you for doing this. I am holding on with my fingernails over the Cliff of life.

@OLBK 1 year ago

Thank you Tim for speaking on these matters. There is not a single person on this planet that can explain this better.
Thank you thank you thank you ❤️

@alwinsauer6857 2 months ago

This hits my hard - and is so true.

@ttf-talktofranky84 1 year ago (edited)

Dear Mister Fletcher. Thank you for your work, you give so many helpfull tools to us people suffering from complex trauma. When it comes to relationships, i just realized how cptsd turned me into a love addict and how lost i feel whenever i find myself single. However, youtube is filled with very dishonest videos playing with people's hopes after breakups (especially the videos talking about avoidant ex partners, when they will come back etc.). I've been thinking about making a video myself about the topic, because that kind of content is simply dishonest and can have terrible effects on people trying to heal from complex trauma. Many of us fall for that kind of content and i really believe it needs to be adressed. So as always, thank you! God bless you.
Edit: my video is ready. Mister Fltecher, in my video i give a shoutout to your channel. If you dont mind! Edit: video is online

@krasnoz6 2 months ago

You described my family life growing up so well. I’ve been in therapy but the focus was on the ways in which I was wronged by unhealthy partners who mirrored my deeply unhealthy father. I’m just starting to see some of these behaviors in myself. It’s hard to change your life I guess at any age but I’m really committed to trying.

@fredhercmaricaubang1883 1 year ago (edited)

From what you've said, Tim, I have experienced double-standards, especially so from my Mom who treats me, her eldest son who works hard every day to pay the bills & faces the consequences of my own actions, as nothing more than an ATM but is otherwise UTTERLY USELESS while her other younger sons, who do NOT work & do NOT take responsibility for the consequences of their own actions, she regards as her very BEST & thus who cannot & will not do NO WRONG! Goes to show how narcissistic & thus HYPOCRITAL my Mom is! And from this, I'm guessing the reason I don't even bother going into relationships with the opposite sex is because of the fear that they might turn into something like my own Mom! So, thanks to you & your channel, I was able to see why I've become what I've become today so THANK YOU SO MUCH for THIS!