OpenTube

Do Dismissive Avoidants Obsess Over People Too?

Thais Gibson - Personal Development School

8,328 views

Get 7 Days Free Inside PDS & Watch How to Heal From a Breakup Plus Every Course In Our Library. Start Here: https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...

Do Dismissive Avoidants obsess over people too and why might they become intensely attached to someone they barely know or can’t realistically have?

Episode Summary
In this video, Thais Gibson explores how Dismissive Avoidants can experience Limerence, which she describes as an intense, destabilizing form of infatuation that can involve romanticizing or idealizing someone rather than developing feelings based on truly knowing them. She explains how fantasy can become especially compelling when a person represents needs or qualities that feel missing in your own life.

Thais also discusses why Dismissive Avoidants may experience Limerence toward emotionally or practically unavailable people. Because the imagined connection doesn’t require the same vulnerability, commitment, or sacrifice of independence as a real relationship, it can feel emotionally safer. She encourages using these intense attractions as an opportunity to identify unmet needs and desired traits, then finding healthier ways to develop and fulfill them in your own life.

Key Takeaways
✔️ Dismissive Avoidants can experience intense infatuation and limerence
✔️ Limerence is different from developing feelings through truly knowing someone
✔️ Fantasy can involve projecting unmet needs and desired qualities onto another person
✔️ Imagined relationships may feel safer because they require less vulnerability
✔️ Dismissive Avoidants may become drawn to people who are realistically out of reach
✔️ Intense attraction can provide clues about needs that feel unfulfilled in your life
✔️ Meeting those needs in healthier ways can help reduce destabilizing longing

Timestamps
00:00 – Do Dismissive Avoidants Obsess Over People Too?
00:31 – Limerence vs Feelings
02:34 – Example of Limerence
04:02 – Trait Variety
05:03 – Bypassing Their Fears
06:05 – They Experience Limerence for People Out of Reach
07:05 – 7-Day Free Trial Promo (How to Heal From a Breakup)
09:31 – Subscribe for Daily Videos

Meet Thais
Thais Gibson, PhD, is a Best-Selling Author, Pastoral Counselor, Relationship Coach, and the founder of The Personal Development School (PDS). Between 2013 and 2019, she developed Integrated Attachment Theory® (IAT), the Six-Step Method to Becoming Secure, a framework rooted in neuroscience, attachment theory, psychology, and spirituality, trademarked in October 2021. IAT works across six pillars:

✔ Rewire Your Attachment Core Wounds
✔ Learn Your Attachment Needs
✔ Regulate Your Nervous System Somatically
✔ Learn Healthy Boundaries
✔ Improve Communication
✔ Rewire Your Unhealthy Protest Behaviors

Since opening in 2020, PDS has grown to serve over 70,000 students in 145 countries, achieving a 97% satisfaction rate and helping people reprogram their subconscious patterns and build thriving, secure relationships.

Helpful Resources:

🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...

📘 Become an IAT Relationship Coach
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...

📚 Read the New Attachment Theory Book
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...

🎧 Discover Podcast Episodes
https://attachment.personaldevelopmen...

📝 Read the PDS Blog
https://blog.personaldevelopmentschoo...

Let’s Connect on Socials:
📸 Instagram: Instagram: thepersonaldevelopmentschool
📘 Facebook: Facebook: ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
🎵 TikTok: TikTok: thaisgibson
💼 LinkedIn: LinkedIn: thepersonaldevelopmentschool

8 Comments

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Creator 6 days ago Pinned

Get 7 Days Free Inside PDS & Watch How to Heal From a Breakup Plus Every Course In Our Library. Start Here: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/dream-life?utm_source=youtube&utm_campaign=dream-life&utm_medium=organic&utm_term=MWpswswCy_U&utm_content=yt-09-28-26&el=youtube

@Sifu_Black 6 days ago

Very good reminder. Limerence seems to have to do with the idea of a person as opposed to the reality of them. It appears to be an extreme form of liking someone when you don't actually know anything about them.

@boojamay 6 days ago

Wow! I was just talking about this with someone about my childhood, perfect timing! The rewired bootcamp class one is really helping me understand my DA side. And I didn't connect it until this video. That I was definitely extremely DA all throughout child hood. I was praised for my intense independence and stoicisism. Well one of the hallmarks of my childhood up until about 27 was limerance. And I would stay stuck on a person on the fantasy version for sometimes years. And never even talk to them. Or the talking and interactions were so brief you could hardly call them that. The one guy I limeranced the longest. He was very kind and was alwasy coming up to me trying to get me out of my shell and get me to talk. Often we would be in small group's. I remember one time he grabbed my hand and drug me over to the group to get me involved. I was so uncomfortable that when all attention of the group was on him I silently slipped away and went and sat far away and intensly fantasized. He came back over to me and tried to get me back to the group but I was overwhelmed and stayed silently glued to my spot. He left but he never gave up and would come back later. I still barely ever talked to him. In my head I did! There were a few other guys through my preteens and teens. I had limerance for. Aside from maybe the first interaction I would never speak to them again but inside I had a whole world of our life together. I didnt actually start trying to talk with a limerance subject till I was 18. I tried but that was a painful experience so I went back to liking guys from afar where it was safe. I alwasy have wondered about this. So thank you for this video Thais!

@jonnuanez7183 5 days ago

They will be in limerence with you and love that fantasy, until you're right there and ready for them. That last part scares them because being real with someone in a loving etc way means vulnerability and loss of control which is poison to them.

@bf1lv 5 days ago

Nope. Once I'm done I move on with my life. I've had a LOT of practice.

@olohialli9289 2 days ago

The point about traits is really poignant but is it possible for someone to be limrant over someone because of how they look or appear

@mikeytrysit5012 4 days ago

I just discovered I’m a dismissive avoidant and I can’t find any videos that shows me how to fix it. I know it won’t be easy but I’m want to fix it.

@naddyn685 6 days ago

Do dismissive avoidants obsess with an ex-partner if their ex was the one who ended the relationship? I’m wondering whether my ex-DA who I was in a relationship with for 3 years still thinks of me. I definitely have a problem thinking about him from time to time more so than I did for previous ex-partners.