They don't have a good answer to the key question of "what if you really need the child's compliance right now?", so they evade and give answers to a different question that applies to a different timeframe or scenario, not realising that lacking an answer to the original question is a deal-breaker in practice.

Dealing with every incident in a way that gets the child to behave acceptably is the first priority. We can adapt or add emotional validation, observation, etc if we have that luxury, but it has to go with useful advice about actually correcting the behaviour.

It's like someone is exhausted from working 2 jobs and doesn't have enough money and says in desperation
"oh no, my bank account is empty, how am I going to pay rent?!?"
and some helpful experts say
"oh well we need to get out of the old 'do what's necessary to pay the bills' mindset and instead focus on an attitude of investment and financial responsibility. By putting asside $100 a week into a balance of housing investment and growth funds, we know that in the long term we're more likely to be able to pay the rent!"

It's true in theory but in practice it's useless and lacks understanding and empathy for the person, because financial responsibility involves spending that $100 on the rent and any extra money on investments. You'd either tell them how to pay rent every week AND invest, or you'd admit they're in a pickle and you don't have a useful answer rather than talking to them like they're just not understanding the wisdom of investment.

I think we need to bring parenting or child psychology classes to high school and college. This is imperative knowledge for all who may one day be a parent!

My son is six! He has autism ,I love him and he is so beautiful, but I'm broken and I can't cope!

It was nice to see some content decidicated to discipline for autism. So much material out there on child disipline and almost nothing on discipline for autistic children. Most professional advice we have found basically says all autistic children are different, and the usual rules dont apply, but say nothing else on the matter, which is useless to a parent. Best advice i can offer to other parents? If in doubt (about whether this behaviour is them being a stubborn child vs autism) is always assume its autism and come at it from a gentler angle wirh more time and less shouting or firm words.  And if its a siutation you literally can't take time or be gentle? (Say thry try to run into the road on the way to school), then you just have to endure it, both you and the child, have the meltdown and come out the other side, and address it later. (Parent of an autistic 5 year old who was non verbal till 4).

I found that getting neurodivergent children prepared for the real world requires so much more time and requires a so much strategic wording it becomes exhausting . A huge learning curve and so many other factors involved .

OK, great! My 10 y.o. is having a hard time in school right now (throwing chairs, desks, trying to toss top of teacher's desk etc) and his IEP is this week. For his and other kid's safety, I took him out of class this week until the meeting. Call it intuition or whatnot, but punitive punishment is not done in our house but options/consequences. He has an fba we follow at home, and 90% of the time, he doesn't do the destructive behaviors he's exhibiting in school. His teacher is rigid and I think even at this point, I'm going to have to really insist at the meeting she follows proper aba/vb or referrer him out to a charter with staff who are. Thank you for reaffirming what I felt in my gut all along. I give him a verbal warning and let him decide if we're going to do a task at 5min or 10 min timer (for transition, think of gear shifting 😆) , he picks it thus he feels in control then afterwards I give him a reward he actually wants. I can get my sweetheart to do the tasks majority of the time. In those cases he doesn't, I give him a lot more space and will come back again later (hrs, or later on depending on factors). They're allowed to have bad days too! Suspending my ego and working WITH him has done wonders. ❤️

Thank you for posting this as a parent of a autistic 3 year old with adhd who has been having alot of melt downs lately and me feeling at a loss of what to do because he's turning 4 soon and already going through so many changes. I really needed to hear this today.

Okay, I can agree with taking that deep breath and acknowledging a child’s lack of desire to cooperate with a need from a parent until u basically gave absolutely no answer on those moments when a parent actually really does need a child to get up and cooperate in a moment. I’m sorry, but there r times when u cannot allow a child  just to sit there and do nothing to participate and help. In logically thinking about what u r saying the child is the one always in control of every situation and it’s the parent that has to just deal with the outcome of whatever the child decides to do or not do at any given moment. Pls, correct me if I am wrong here, but this isn’t helping a parent in a critical situation at all.

Thank you so much! Parenting is not about control. Most situations are not life and death. My autistic son has been violent and destructive and of course we don’t allow him to destroy valuable things or hurt anyone. But most of the time there is time to acknowledge, connect and teach.

I found putting containers and boxes without lids in different parts of the room where they make messes helps to throw things in. Sometimes they miss but get close. Easy for you to pick up too and keep things some what tidy. I keep like items  together in a group and limit the amount so not to cause over stimulating.

Very touching and informative video.  It’s so hard not to take my son’s behavior personal but I am going to use some of these suggestions and have faith things get better

I just want to thank god for this message, I have been struggling so much. I will work daily to apply this with my babygirl. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

When it comes to school, please hire your child an advocate. Many adult don't understand what it's like to be autistic and they carry things from their childhood.
Learn on behalf of your child, advocate for them, and teach those around them who care for them when you are not there.

One way you can help your child in school is by creating an about me page- almost like a resume. I like, my favorite, about me, please do not handle me like this, this works for me, etc.

So happy that I was born in 1968 when spanking and slapping etc of children was already illegal here in Sweden.
Also happy that none of my relatives feeled the need to be violent and didn't shout at me, if I misbehaved they just had a talk with me.
As well as not been hurt or yelled at, I was never told to stand in the corner or got locked up in my room.
The most effective way, I found out quite quickly, with the children I was a part of raising, was to set a standard of understanding and loving, and then it was enough to look at them sideways, or just turn silent, to make them burst into tears with shame. And then have a talk with them, explaining that I wasn't mad at them, hug them etc, showing love.

It is such a blessing to watch this video. My goodness... You are so lucky that there is help support and love for the special children. I for one find this very very hard because I am a solo father of 4 children and 2 of them are autistic. Unfortunately, the mother of my children left our family for another man who can supply her with plenty of money. She left our family I think she is ashamed of the fact that 2 of our beautiful angels are autistic. I can only wish there was support or a special system for special children like my poor autistic boys. Is there a group of parents that I can reach out to for teachings and support in raising my autistic boys? watching this video brings tears to my eyes as a solo father caring for my children. I never thought I would ever speak in such a way of heartbreak.

👏 👏👏👏Couldn't agree more Love the "Loving coach approach " definitely best and effective route to go on🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Its really tough mentally and emotionally when all I want to do is love and care for my son but 90% of the time he refuses to get along with me

Thank you for the wonderful advice 💝🌷

Very helpful, thank you

I agree but how do you do this coaching in chaos