Becoming the woman you want to be is about so much more than Pilates, perfect skin, a morning routine or copying someone else’s version of self-care.

For me, a lot of it has been much less glamorous: doing the boring work, learning to trust myself, sticking to my standards, grieving what I’ve lost, unlearning things I once believed and, eventually, becoming a woman I genuinely like.

In this video, I’m sharing 10 lessons I’ve had to learn about life, love, confidence, discipline, self-worth and becoming the woman I want to be. Some I wish I’d understood in my twenties, and some I’m still learning now.

We talk about giving yourself the love and attention you keep looking for elsewhere, why clarity matters more than having a perfect five-year plan, doing the work instead of searching for shortcuts, being careful whose advice you take, refusing to settle for “gold-plated” when you know you want gold, and learning how to let grief change you without being ashamed of it.

This isn’t really a video about creating some perfect new version of yourself. It’s about building a life, and a relationship with yourself, that actually feels like you.

If you’re in a season of becoming, starting again, working on your confidence or simply figuring out who you want to be next, I hope something in this conversation meets you where you are.

And I’d love to know in the comments: what’s one thing you’ve had to learn, or unlearn, to become the woman you want to be?

As promised, here are 10 questions to sit with if you’re in your own season of becoming. You don’t need to answer them all at once. Pick the one that makes you pause.

1. What do I want my life to actually feel like, not just look like?
2. Where am I currently mistaking a distraction for an opportunity because I’m not clear on what I really want?
3. What am I waiting for someone else to give me that I could begin giving myself now?
4. Where am I still trying to earn love, approval or belonging by making myself useful?
5. What is something I keep looking for a shortcut around when I already know the real answer is to do the work?
6. What am I still grieving, and what might change if I stopped pressuring myself to “get over it”?
7. If I took some of the energy I spend worrying about love, validation or being chosen and put it back into my own life, what would I build?
8. Which standards have I been tempted to lower simply because other people have told me I should be grateful for what’s available?
9. Whose advice am I allowing to influence my life, and do I actually want the life their advice would lead me towards?
10. When I imagine becoming a woman I genuinely like, what does she believe, protect, practise and no longer tolerate, and what is one decision I can make today that moves me closer to her?

Love,
Marbie