I started listening to you 10 years ago when I was pregnant. You helped me relax and sleep during a similarly difficult time in my life. I also had a rough pregnancy. It wasn’t nearly as bad as yours but it was difficult in other ways—gestational diabetes(had to check blood sugar after every meal), high risk due to age, and had to give myself daily injections in my stomach to keep my blood thin enough for baby to live.
I was also jealous of everyone who had an easy pregnancy. I also drank coffee when I needed it(difficult job), also faced judgmental remarks from others about what I ate, drank, etc. I also decided not to breast feed and dealt with the super judgy nurses at the hospital. Wanted a girl bc females were more familiar and comfortable to me. Had a boy and felt very unprepared and clueless about what a boy might need from his mom. Birth did not go according to plan and he came early due to cord being wrapped around his neck 3 times. Also got medicated due to postpartum anxiety(couldn’t eat or sleep).
All this to say that I’m ten years in now and it does get easier. My son and I listen to you all the time at night to get to sleep. He is healthy(healthier than most of his breast-fed peers), happy, and loved.
You are brave, strong, and real. You are not alone in the “pregnancy was rough” club. It’s hard to ignore those “perfect moms”, but that’s really all you can do. You have to do what you think is best for your child, and there is no perfect parent or perfect child. You will make mistakes, but it appears to me that you are self-aware enough to know how to learn from them. That’s really all any of us can do.
Thank you for sharing your experience and trusting us with your story.❤

My mother only admitted recently that when she was pregnant with me she was sick the entire time. She said she was even vomiting in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. When I was born I was jaundiced and they put me in an incubator for 2 weeks. Once my parents took me home the problems didn't stop. I was colicky and wouldn't gain weight. She went to the pediatrician and he asked if lactose intolerance ran in the family. My mother had never heard of it before. The pediatrician diagnosed both me and my mother and sent her home with soy formula. And he was right on the money. She had been lactose intolerant her whole life but never knew it. When she was pregnant, her doctor, family and friends pushed her to drink lots of milk to build up calcium because it was supposedly good for her and the baby. Her own doctor dismissed her symptoms as just typical morning sickness even though she was always miserable. Her second pregnancy went a lot smoother. Dairy can cause hormonal issues too, thanks to all the growth hormones they put in cows nowadays. If you constantly have tummy troubles or skin issues like acne you should cut dairy out of your diet, even if the allergy tests come back negative.

Hey, EQ. I'm another long-time EQ fan. Your old channel helped me get through some difficult times in my life. Thank you for that. I have two children, and after hearing your story, I can only BEGIN to imagine what you've been through. By now, your daughter must be about two years old, which I'm certain is bringing you a new and very different set of challenges. You have so much respect from me for all that you've faced. Add to it the fact that the entire world was shut down during your pregnancy, and it seems like a perfect storm for some pretty serious PTSD. You are SO strong, not to mention courageous for sharing your story. Thank you so much for this and for all of your videos over the years. Blessings to you and your family. 💜

Hi EQ, i’ve been listening to your videos since 2012 on your first channel and would like to thank you for all your videos; they have helped me through my insomnia and anxiety earlier in my 20s. Thanks for sharing your pregnancy journey.. it was heartbreaking to hear those snarky remarks/disregard for your decisions. I gave birth last June to my 1st baby.. always dreamt about having a baby boy but i was blessed with a baby girl instead. I unfortunately did not had the chance to execute my plan of having a cesarean. Was rejected flatly by my obgyn that i would need to find another doctor in another hospital if i absolutely wanted a csec. My food aversion was on full swing during my first trimester. I am a food lover, however, the smell of food and the idea of me eating my own cooked food repulses me to the maximum. I felt my happiness slipping away from me. I was anxious during mealtimes. I felt alot better starting from my second trimester, however i discovered that i had GD. While i was hungry, i was also stressed about my glucose level shooting up after every meal. The pricking of finger after every meal every other day for glucose monitoring made me feel like a criminal. I had to do bloodwork every month. Then i started worrying if my baby is going to be fine, physically and genetically. Midwives told me that i should be pricking my fingers daily instead for monitoring. I continued taking my half a cup of caffein because my doctor said it was fine. Midwives then told me that if i do not monitor myself daily, my baby is going to be too huge and become sluggish and that it was going to be a problem. While that is true, my monthly appointments with the doctor said baby was growing up perfectly. Then came the birth. Nurses asked if i want to breastfeed the baby, i said no. My baby will be formula fed. Then they asked if i want to breastfeed the baby just 1 time, after birth. I gave the same reply. They looked at me as if i had broken the golden rule. The last thing i need after shooting a life out of me is judgement from a stranger. Then comes maternity leave. They expected me to stay home longer to take care of my girl. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with moms choosing to do that, my mental health was suffering. I knew that i needed to prioritize that over everything else. If i dont do that, i wont be able to care for my girl.. hence the formula, hence the infant care at 3 months. Again, people will say what they wanna say, whether its from moms, or people without kids and honestly i was so tired of hearing their unsolicited advices: keep your da*n thoughts to yourselves, nobody asked for your opinion. There is no textbook to follow, there is no 1 shoe fit all example in life.

EQ, i hope you enjoy the nows with your girl… To her, you and your other half mean the world. These are the memories she will remember. To her, you will always be her person ❤

Sending you lots of love and hugs!

I  Applaud your being honest about your pregnancy and coming forward and telling people it's not all sunshine and roses.
Every woman does have her own unique experience and unfortunately for some women it is horrible! Especially when you have the morning sickness throughout your whole pregnancy.
I don't think as women we should be ashamed if we found our pregnancies to be less than fabulous I don't know why there seems to be this taboo about how you have to make it be something wonderful when it wasn't.   However the end result when it's all over is that fabulous beautiful little baby. Congratulations on your new baby.

Thank you for returning to YouTube and sharing your journey honestly. Love your videos and have missed you x

My God that sounds like hell. Mother's really do hard earn their babies sometimes. Delighted to see you back.

Thank you!  We need more people to say pregnancy is tough on some of us.  Neither of mine were easy.  I never glowed or had lots of energy, and early months of a newborn were dull.  I loved my babies to bits but I missed the mental stimulation.  People seemed to forget I was able to talk about feeding and sleep. Keep it real

Sorry you had a hard time. Good on you for being so raw and vulnerable. We really need more of the in my opinion. Social media doesn’t always show the full story.

I fell asleep part way through this (asmr job accomplished ha) but will listen to the full thing today ha.

Love the animals coming to check in on ya. I'm glad you made it thru such an intense and unexpected journey. I'm sure you're going to be an awesome mom EQ! Definitely have to show her how to make a solid guest bathroom basket lol!

Hope you’re doing well ❤ miss your videos

You’re way too hard on yourself.  You’re doing great.

Hey EQ! Long time viewer here since 2012 from the other side of the world. I'm so sorry about what happened to you, especially with your "friends". I totally understand where you are coming from even if I am not a mom. Believe me, I do. Your pain is validated! Thank you for sharing this honest, brave, story. I wish you and your family all the best. Take care of yourself.

This ordeal is a testament to your strength to get through the many devastatingly painful and anxiety producing challenges.  How you managed to work and cope with your job, your animals, and your loved ones who I am sure were feeling helpless watching someone they love in so much pain.  Your sharing will be very helpful to others because you made it through despite it all.  You are a warrior and deserve a medal.  Anxiety is a terrible thing all on it's own.  How anyone could be invalidating to you during all of this has a sensitivity chip missing.  All the best to you and congratulations.

Thanks for being so refreshingly honest. I'm sorry you had such a difficult time with things. And don't worry , I have no doubt you are and will continue to be great girl mom x

Thank you for sharing. wishing you all the best!!!

This is my first video I’ve seen of yours, I just learned of your channel from SoftASMR. My son will be 3 in less than 2 weeks. I have so many things I want to say to you, but I guess it could all be summed up in a hug.
I didn’t have a difficult pregnancy like you did but it did t go like I expected either. I’m a plus size woman and had an anterior placenta so I never felt him kick. I had low blood pressure issues too. Delivery went well but he didn’t cry after and it turned out his blood sugar was so low it didn’t even register when checked. That was traumatizing because I was getting stitched up (which didn’t heal right) and no one was telling me what was going on with him.
Kidney stones aren’t something I’ve felt but I’ve seen family go through them and can’t imagine! Kudos to you for choosing and sticking to what was best for you with your birth plan!! I’m personally a whimp with pain and terrified of a cesarean procedure and recovery. I’m so glad you’re dr was supportive!
I agree that fed is best! I tried to breast feed and ended up exclusively pumping and it’s definitely a major mental load and didn’t go how I expected.
My postpartum journey has been a roller coaster to say the least, so I’d love to hear about your journey sometime.
Postpartum anxiety has gotten the best of me for sure.

Thank you for sharing the less talked about aide of things, I wish it were more common!

Hi EQ! I'm also a long time listener of yours, your voice is one of my all time favourite triggers, so I'm absolutely over the moon to have you back 🙂. I can't believe what you must have had to go through during your pregnancy. The pregnancy sickness and the kidney stones alone sounds unbearable, but the fact that some of your friends didn't even accept and acknowledge your pain is just heartbreaking. Your pregnancy sucked and you have every right to feel sad and cheated. I also want to let you know that you are not alone - interestingly, I have 11 months old baby boy and the first half of my pregnancy I couldn't do absolutely anything except for vomiting. I could not read books, listen to music, watch videos, anything, I just laid in my bed wishing for it to get better. I definitely couldn't imagine working and I was very grateful that I didn't have to. So you have my respect and admiration that you worked your whole pregnancy. Anyway, I would love to hear about your postpartum experience (and don't worry, even with this topic, your voice still extremely relaxing  😁).

I loved listening to this. I’ve been meaning to watch since I saw it but I’ve been dealing with my son’s suspected CMPA (extreme eczema) as well and it’s been a very dark time.

You are an incredibly strong person for withstanding the full-time sickness.
Luckily mine ended around week 14, but I know the depression that comes along with being sick like that.
It didn’t end for you and it makes my heart sad.

I would love to hear about your postpartum experience too. It was/is so hard. Like, oh my gosh. There are so many things I love but it’s still extremely stressful.

I also commend you for making the time to fold your laundry 😂 I just shove my husbands clean clothes in a hamper for him to dig through LOL.

I really appreciate this and you!❤️❤️❤️

Oh honey I felt the same way, that id hate to have  a girl because I'm such a boy-like girl, but why would your daughter want to be anything but like you?? You're her world. I relate to these feelings a lot. Ok back to finishing the video lol