Full episode here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsuOSDb7gzQ

3:12 Two respectful people trying to come up with something disrespectful... 😂❤

Quietly and calmly ask them, "what would motivate you to say that to me"? This lets them know you don't accept the premise of their insult, while simultaneously exposing their small minded rudeness, and demonstrating that your sense of self worth is not dependent on their opinion.

I had to get my car towed once. It took forever to arrive. I was at the edge by the time he got there and I was being antagonistic and rude. The driver looked at me and said "Hi, my name is Joe.". I melted and we became friends.

My therapist always told me to meet disrespect with curiosity. Something like "I'm curious as to why you would say something like that?" or " how odd of you to say that right now" or "are you ok?" Of course if you're dealing with a potentially dangerous person then walk away and don't engage.

My Dad used to respond to his intimidating, narcissistic boss usually after a brief pause, "Are you happy now". 😅

“I’m not sure I heard you correctly, would you repeat that?”

Silence as a reaction does not work with self-absorbed people because they take silence as a sign of agreement or weakness and just keep on talking.

I have never apologized for a fight I didn't start.
That would be ridiculous.

‘Walk softly and carry an armoured tank division’, Jack Nicholson

This does work well. Years ago my sister said something rude to me and I paused then asked “What are you trying to accomplish by saying that?” Stopped her in her tracks and seemed to make the convo more productive.

Needed this guy 12 years ago when I first met my mother in law!

This man has one of the most calming presences I've ever seen. I think one of the most helpful tips he doesn't overtly mention is how he likely maintains that same calm and equanimity throughout negative interactions.

"Thank you for your opinion"

Is always a handy phrase to keep in your pocket, because it's one you can just drop like a smoke bomb and instantly return to whatever you were doing, be it continuing a presentation, a conversation, walking to your destination, etc etc.  Doesn't give you the zinger, but it does let you treat it like water off a duck's back.

I know a guy who is a pretty high-level executive in his corporation and he tends to say things that are kind of mean and rude because he thinks it’s funny.

One day I just paused and looked at him and said, “You know, John, hurt people…hurt people. Are you doing ok?“

He was stunned. He just stared at me. And then basically agreed and awkwardly laughed it off. I don’t think he’s come at me since.

"That's below my standard for a response." 10:54  Golden!!

I’ve used a similar technique for the “funny not funny” dig. ESPECIALLY in company  if people think they are being clever at someone else’s expense.
I don’t just do it for me. But others who don’t have voice. Or just feel too shocked to respond. I know that feeling. It’s truly awful.
Getting people to repeat those words, especially if they made others laugh can very powerful.
What ever “cleverness” was used to dress up the cruelty gets exposed.
I won’t stand for bullying.

Remember that your dog died. Nobody else can hurt you more than your dog going to heaven. Remember your dog and only they matter. Some rude human’s insecurities should never bother you ever again. Your dog’s last gift: protecting yourself from those who would hurt you.

The five hardest words to say in today's society are, I was wrong, I'm sorry.

I can’t speak for other people, but as a gen X person, I think I can generalize that my generation, and those who came before me didn’t discuss our feelings, and we haven’t been taught how to have difficult conversations.  In general Gen X was severely neglected.  Most of what I got if I was upset for any reason was “I’ll give you something to cry about,” from my dad, and my mom was passive aggressive.
So many of us are looking for ways to learn what we should have learned as children.  In essence you’re a younger man parenting me, so thank you for that.