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5 Behaviors That Push People Away (Without You Realizing)

Matthew Hussey

372,438 views

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Why do people “fade out” in dating with no explanation? The good news is: It often has nothing to do with us. Yet there are also things we may be doing that push someone away without us even realizing it.

In today’s video, I share 5 behaviors that may make someone pull away . . . and ways you can leave people better than you found them (and wanting more!) Whether you want to learn how to become a better listener, not come across as too intense when you really like someone, or just be a better date, you can’t miss today’s video. What I share is something you can do on your next date to instantly change your dating results.

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 1:17 – When Someone Fades
1:17 – 3:24 – #1 When We Overshare
3:24 – 6:02 – Why We Do This
6:02 – 8:11 – #2 Negativity
8:11 – 12:18 – “Am I Leaving People Better Than I Found Them?”
12:18 – 14:22 – A Helpful Tool in Dating
14:22 – 16:29 – #3 Drinking Too Much
16:29 – 20:47 – #4 Too Much Intensity
20:47 – 25:13 – #5 When We Don’t Listen
25:13 – 26:49 – Curiosity Makes Another Person Feel Heard
26:49 – 28:36 – What About You?

20 Comments

@PaoloLammens 9 months ago

"Be yourself. But also, refrain from being yourself." — dating advice

@nadinekahn105 1 year ago

i. Oversharing
ii. Negativity
iii. Drinking too much
iv. Too much intensity
v. Not listening enough

@dylanlloyd2067 1 year ago

Good god this should not be so complicated. Why can’t people just understand everyone has their quirks and imperfections? Everyone has sky high expectations and love isn’t always butterflies and dopamine rushes, it’s someone who cares about you

@dilligafTV1 1 year ago

At this point, I have given up. It’s not worth the hassle and dating apps have ruined everything. Everyone is always looking for something better. So, I’m going to enjoy life on my own.

@thekimberlyanderson 1 year ago

Wow, this hit home. I’ve definitely overshared before, thinking it would bring us closer, but instead, it just made things awkward—and honestly, I felt silly afterward. Lesson learned: real connection isn’t built in one conversation, it unfolds over time.

@RobraclesYT2026 1 year ago

I'm over it. The standards of humans. I push everyone away. Be yourself. I don't care if someone over shares unless what they share is dangerous or criminal. I've accepted my lone journey. Namaste

@CobaltLobo 1 year ago

I’ve given up. I prefer my peace and quiet than dealing with keeping up with trying to make sense of another person lol

@hiren.umradia 1 year ago

I might be odd but if someone is deep and honest about their experiences in response to questions in a natural flow of conversation. I wouldn't take that as "over sharing". Even the term "Over sharing" sounds insecure.

@susannah5899 11 months ago

I definitely do that over sharing thing because I come from a 12 step recovery space, which 100% normalises and requires deep over sharing with strangers…great in the rooms, crap on a date I have discovered. 😂

@CharleneMaeder 1 year ago (edited)

Can’t tell you how many first phone calls I’ve been on (from the apps) and they tell me allll about their divorce and what went wrong in a bitter or negative way in the first five minutes! They usually say she cheated, like that will get me on their side. It’s a total turnoff.

I dont even know you yet. They absolutely will not take my feedback that it’s too soon, either. They say “it’s better you know everything upfront.” No! Depending on what it is, it would be better to wait until I at least like you and maybe would have more grace for your past or flaws. But they aren’t watching videos like this lol.

@brittanysmith3716 1 year ago

I love when people overshare with me. Especially if I’m feeling shy and don’t know what to say. It helps me get to know them quicker and I essentially feel closer to them. However, if Its me that overshares, I can tell it repels people…so I’ve been mindful now of how much I tell people in the beginning. I just wish being my authentic self didn’t push people away.

@Gingersnaps50 1 year ago

I’ve had multiple first dates with men ( 50yo+ ) that I felt drained and overwhelmed by the end of the date because they over shared to the point of crying and it does feel like a therapy session for the listener. PSA: First dates are not the time or place to vent your traumatic life events. Great video Matthew! 🤩💝

@1975normal 1 year ago

This is very applicable to relationships of all kinds: single, married, work, neighbors, friends

@DKilgallen 1 year ago

I am so tired of trying to impress people while meeting people while being self conscious about how I am perceived. It’s exhausting. Being myself means being a bit awkward. Over sharing at times. So I can’t be myself or I turn people off. Pretending and acting just causes more problems.

@jrwheeler81 1 year ago

I think both my boyfriend of the last 2 years and I are a bit guilty of oversharing at the beginning of our relationship regarding our previous toxic marriages (he's divorced and I was widowed). However, on one hand, I feel like knowing what we both went through in our previous marriages helped us to understand each other better and strengthen our bond. I feel like we are helping each other heal and grow in our relationship. Did we both share a bit too much too soon? Maybe so; however, we are still very happy together 2 years later!

@pathologicallove 1 year ago

Lalalalaalalaalalalalallalalaal I love to overshare, I want somebody else who also overshares, I want somebody who loves my oversharing

@KDK1207 1 year ago

I am usually very private and reserved, but when I get nervous I can sometimes over share.

@louisetaylor6952 1 year ago

Dear Friends...Don't be hard on yourselves...I think of each person like a Pie and we all have pieces missing...I wish everyone Peace and Joy ❤

@sps6374 1 year ago

That INTENSITY CAM though!
It instantly cured me 😅
I’ve been feeling confused, anxious, disappointed, abandoned, scorned, offended, trampled upon, etc. over getting ghosted and I have considered making it clear to the ghost (or slow fader, depending on whether he resurfaces or not) that I really don’t like it (I’ve literally watched about 50 hours of coaching/relationship advice, drafted texts, thought the outline of various messages for several scenarios… just generally doing the most). And then, right now, watching this, it’s become crystal clear that someone who’s known me 3 weeks and has consistently talked to me over a grand total of 10 days cannot scorn or abandon me, I’m merely being obsessed and irrationally intense! And any kind of sermon, demand or question would come off as the INTENSITY CAM. 💀

@elinek5470 1 year ago (edited)

I overshare(d) because I have ADHD xD and have been in therapy for long periods of time, so it is good to hear from you again that yes indeed, talking to a date is not the same as speaking with your therapist xD Makes you way too intense and serious, and even when a person asked about past trauma or relationships, I shared too much too soon. Even my own insecurities. Let people earn your story - or keep things for yourself.