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Trauma in Relationships: What Actually Helps with Elizabeth Ferreira | Being Well

Forrest Hanson

19,299 views

I’m joined by associate therapist (and my fiancée) ‪@elizabeth.ferreira‬ for an honest, personal conversation about what it's actually like to be in a relationship when one partner is living with trauma, complex PTSD, or another ongoing mental health challenge. Based on our experience together, we discuss supporting without enabling, avoiding power imbalances, managing resentment, dealing with moments of frustration, and the importance of reciprocity. Elizabeth has some thoughts about the DSM. I share about how Elizabeth has supported me. It’s a good one.

I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.

Key Topics:
0:00 Intro and Elizabeth’s overview
5:50 How trauma shapes you
9:05 How Elizabeth found safety in her relationship with Forrest
11:12 How the relationship helped Forrest grow
15:44 Self-discovery through relationship
21:19 How to effectively support a partner with mental illness
27:04 [Sponsor] Shopify
33:42 Being ‘sturdy’
39:18 Navigating criticism
41:46 [Sponsor] Huel
43:30 Communicating without resentment or shame
54:57 Avoiding stigma, and why Elizabeth wants to throw the DSM out the window
59:52 Not buying in to the smallest version of your partner
1:04:27 Recap

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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (https://amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (https://apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.

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20 Comments

@finnd4053 6 months ago (edited)

I am simple person... I see Elizabeth and I immediately click on the episode. Also, looking sharp, Forrest!

@pezpau 6 months ago

Elizabeth is an incredible communicator, as someone with CPTSD I'm always blown away by her insights :) thank you for this episode!

@neverstopgrowing4 6 months ago

So much Elizabeth this year we are getting SPOILED, excited for this episode

@Madaammoksha 6 months ago

“I felt my own wanting” That’s beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that. So inspiring ❤

@ninazylstra9531 6 months ago

I think Elizabeth showed a lot of grace in this episode, thank you for showing how this dynamic get's played outing couples.

@izycat1 6 months ago (edited)

I just want to say how refreshing and healing these episodes with Elizabeth are! I struggle with cptsd as well, and it’s hard to find such raw wisdom on the topic. And from lived experience in relationship! I’m dealing with this now, and it’s so helpful to hear your experience as a couple.

I look forward to all of her episodes, and I love the pod in general! Thank you for all your hard work.

@Jbethany 6 months ago

Totally! The beginning is EASY it’s as the relationships progresses that it gets extremely triggering. The thoughts of abandonment grow stronger and stronger and start becoming the overwhelming thoughts even during happy moments in the relationship.

@kamkamilka 6 months ago

I’m just writing a comment to make this (already liked) video more visible (with algorithms) for someone who needs it. Thank you 🙏🏻 a lot of information to digest ❤

@maddie16792 6 months ago

Yay! Love hearing from Elizabeth! From a fellow therapist ❤

@Daro10571 6 months ago

man did I need this video

@TCjunkie 6 months ago

These episodes are my favorite as I'm deep in the shedding phase. ACA has been my savior
Hello fellow travelers

@beccawecca916 4 months ago

As someone with C-PTSD, my greatest fear is not my partner being upset with me - its my partner not being honest about being upset with me, and only finding out later. Its much easier for me to reconcile my sensitivity to criticism than it is for me to reconcile not being able to trust what you say when I ask.

@RuthAlDaimi-xn1fg 6 months ago

You two are great! You are really courageous people, thank you for sharing your feelings and insights with us!

@ivywildwss 6 months ago (edited)

I LOVE what Elizabeth says at 10:26 - we don't want partners to become our therapist or have an identified patient in a relationship. Even though I'm the one with CPTSD since Oct 2023, there is the power imbalance that has developed with my partner, I'm his therapist. So due to my trauma, I'm always trying to help him regulate, routinely, and it's tiring and I end up not resenting it exactly, but lonely..

@ericaerica8031 6 months ago

My ex-husband and I both have CPTSD, and we had almost all the things (power dynamic, resentment, unmet needs, one partner as “the patient,” etc). Our relationship lasted close to 17 years before he asked for a divorce and ironically, we had been doing couples work (EFCT) the last 4.5 of those years, growing closer and making great strides. I was utterly gutted when he withdrew.

Thanks so much for your authenticity and transparency.

@brandywhine4856 6 months ago

As someone who has been diagnosed with chronic PTSD, PMDD, depression and anxiety….you have a beautiful relationship. So much work you’ve done on yourselves and together. I wish you a beautiful marriage. Your future is prepared for so much love and care ❤

@muheenahjimoh 6 months ago (edited)

I love how this episode speaks so much about the importance of CONSISTENCY, although the word wasn't mentioned often but it was framed in the entire conversation.

Having a partner who has a consistent habit of caring and open to support in the ways they can helps soothe the nervous system of a person with cptsd

@mruniqe 6 months ago

Every time there is a discussion with the two of you there are more gold nuggets revealed. The standard format, where Forrest and Rick interview a guest are very valuable, but these conversations are literally a gold mine and the more you talk, the more there is to discover and connect with.
I really relate to the dynamic of Forrest and Elizabeth as I identify as the "normie" with my own previously unidentified and unresolved material to work on, while supporting the partner with classic CPTSD / depression. "You marry your unfinished business" as Terry Real says.
My partner has highly sensitive emotional radar as well as the deep understanding of her own experience and great empathy for others. She is extremely wise (without having conventionally studied the subject) and the most important person in my life. Sure, daily life can seem unbalanced, such as who does the household chores more than the other, but this is easily compensated for by the deep conversations and emotional connection. Yes it is tough and frustrating at times but also extremely rewarding. It is what we unconsciously signed up for and I am glad to hear you both say the same.
I for one believe that these conversations between the two of you will never get boring or repetitive and I have made a playlist of them to revisit.

While the world is in chaos outside, these discussions are a place of calm and safety, which we can apply to our homelife. Thanks.

@79jensing 6 months ago (edited)

I love when you have Elizabeth on the podcast. I've learned so much from her ❤

@sgiado 4 months ago

I felt really seen by this episode. I am currently trying to heal with very little support much less a healthy partner. It's great to know that these emotions are real and I'm not a freak.