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10 Rules That Traumatise ADHD & Autistic Brains (& 20 That Don't!)

ADHD Chatter Podcast

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Kristen Pressner is an ADHD expert. Her viral TED talk showed how people with ADHD can create thriving environments.

Drawing on decades of experience, she’s distilled her knowledge into a simple & practical guide.

Chapters:

00:00 Trailer
05:35 Just use a planner
09:54 Break big tasks into small ones
16:00 Just be more disciplined
20:49 Focus on your long term goals
23:55 Wake up earlier
28:14 Tiimo advert
29:22 Build consistent habits
31:59 Just push through
40:19 Why can’t you manage your time
42:46 Just prioritise
45:30 Just try harder
52:00 A letter to my younger self

Find Kristen on Instagram 👉 Instagram: kristen_pressner

Visit Kristen’s website 👉 https://kristenpressner.com

List inspired by 👉 https://www.linkedin.com/in/bronwyn-n...

ADHD Chatter LIVE show tickets 👉 https://www.aegpresents.co.uk/event/a...

Join the ADHD Chatter Patreon community 👉 Patreon: ADHDChatter

Get 30% off an annual Tiimo subscription 👉 https://www.tiimoapp.com/offers/adhdc...

Buy Alex's book entitled 'Now It All Makes Sense' 👉 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Now-All-Make...

Pre-order Alex’s latest book about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria 👉 https://linktr.ee/adhdchatter?utm_sou...

Producer: Timon Woodward
Recorded by: Hamlin Studios
Trailer editor: Ryan Faber

DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

20 Comments

@ADHD_Chatter_Podcast Creator 5 months ago Pinned

If you enjoyed this episode, please do me a massive favour by clicking the 'like' button and subscribing to the channel. It's free and is the single biggest thing you can do to help me carry on my mission: to remind you every week that you're not broken, simply different and that you have always been enough. Thank you so much. Alex 💚 Ps. I host LIVE body doubling sessions and behind the scenes chats with all my guests on the ADHD Chatter Patreon, you can join here 👉 https://www.patreon.com/cw/ADHDChatter

@crumbinmymouth 4 months ago

Nothing cleans a kitchen like an essay deadline.

@annafatima 5 months ago

"Just push through" implies that we're not already pushing as hard as humanly possible. We are. Every day.

@evastern231 5 months ago

What helped me so much, was when I read about how indegenous people didn't / don't share the opinion we (should) live for a purpose or (should) have a purpose in life. They think we just exist, like plants and animals exist and that this is enough and perfectly fine. Now I don't care about my "lack of" ambition anymore, I exist and that's it, with no goals to reach, no archievements to accomplish, no plans to follow.
It's so relaxing, I really love this new old insight in the meaning of life: It's to live until I die, simple as that, I can do that 😌

@klepece 5 months ago

31:41 can we all celebrate me for going on a diet, keeping it for 3 weeks already, breaking it and not wanting to kill myself for doing that and just getting back to it next meal? 👏👏👏

@MoogleBerryPie8 5 months ago

24:50 I wish the phrase “the early bird gets the worm” should also have “but the cat who waits gets two meals”

@leonardascorpius5304 5 months ago

Anyone here who has trouble starting the difficult task du jour until your work area/kitchen/whole house has been tidied up or cleaned thoroughly? I've been this way since I was 3 years old, now 59. So when my environment isn't up to my standards, and I'm too exhausted to clean it, the "real" work won't get done. The shame and self-hate takes over. There are so many creative projects that are on hold due to this way of processing and dealing with tasks. Some days are better than others. But I wish I could be like my colleagues and friends who are very successful consistently despite their lack of being organized or neat.

@jonathanalpart7812 5 months ago

As someone with ADHD, no one has stronger habits. My habit is doing whatever I want all the time, and it’s extremely difficult to pull me away from that.

I have a theory that the “interest-based” brain as described in Kristen’s famous TED Talk, is a survival mechanism. Since I was born with a brain that can associate everything to anything, but cannot deploy certain dopaminergic neural processes properly for executive function, I developed the uncanny ability to become interested in literally anything by associating it with something else that I already care about. For us, interest reliably generates action.

It is neurotypicals who cannot do boring things. That’s why they have to brute-force themselves with “hacks,” planners, etc. All I need is a point of entry to find something interesting. As physicist Richard Feynman famously observed, “everything is interesting if you go into it deeply enough.”

@markwalton3367 5 months ago

ADHDers often give others much better advice than they give themselves. They certainly don't abuse others like they abuse themselves. I think body-doubling works because the self-talk thoughts are positively modified by the presence of another. When we body-double, we get closer to treating ourselves the way we treat others.

@MDAdams72668 3 months ago

I always get up 1-1.5 hrs BEFORE I need to "be functional". Works for me.

@ValentinSylve 5 months ago

So true. Motivation is never the first step for me, I need to be started like an old gas-powered lawnmower.

@jwmmitch 4 months ago

My take on went "just push through" doesn't work is because we're already pushing through ALL THE TIME, so when you're telling us to push through is when the push-through has already worn out

@dodger1x 5 months ago

Just push through 🤦‍♂️
It is like trying to force feeding yourself when just the thought of another bite makes you vomit vs eating when you are super hungry.

It is the exact same feeling.
The harder you try the worse it gets.

@sharpies 2 months ago

You knowledge ive noticed that all the advice and tips ive recived over my life and everything ive been through is really just a mask on how to fit in with the neurotypical world. Im tired of it. I just want to live in my world on my time scale and be able to make a living and provide for my family.

@b-engel 5 months ago

Hi, I am a mum of 3 ADHD boys and ADHD partner. There is autism in the mix too. And I have learned a lot from it. New ways of doing things. That it's not a "just do..." but practise and get it into your muscle memory. But with all the discussion and 20+ years of doing it, I would also like to say that ADHD also can require - especially parents and partners - to compensate a lot. And that can become problematic and lead to burnout too. So there has to be effort and understanding on both sides. 😊

@mmmsunshine5367 3 months ago

I have just stopped interacting with people unless I must 🤷‍♀️

@erstwhile3793 3 months ago

What I’m finding recently, is that I’m starting to process a lifetime of what feels like heartbreak, of grief, from being rejected in thousands of micro ways. The part that also adds anger on top of more heartbreak, is that no one, not even people who supposedly understand ADD and trauma, will acknowledge that those rejections are REAL. Everyone tends to invalidate the experience of it. They won’t acknowledge that I’m seeing/sensing what I know I am. It’s like when you say you’re getting fat, and everyone rushes to deny it, instead of admitting they’ve noticed a bit of a bulge when you sit, lately. Or when people try to “comfort” you when you’re grieving a loss. It’s like we have a collective terror of just acknowledging the bulge, the emptiness of the loss, or the pain of yes, people often react to you by withdrawing a little.

@megansleeman7859 5 months ago (edited)

Nowadays, I feel like I’m just on the verge of tears. A few people in my life don’t understand no matter how much I explain it. The sentences starting with “just” are so painful

@kristenpressner6795 5 months ago

Grateful to have had the opportunity to sit down with you Alex and @ADHDChatterpodcast and discuss why “conventional wisdom” does not just fall short for neurodivergent minds, it can actively work against them. 🧠

In a post-AI world, many of the traits associated with ADHD, non linear thinking, pattern recognition, creativity under pressure, are the true differentiators.

The moment is here.
But we are not yet set up to enable that potential at scale.

Thank you to Bronwyn Nugent for your support in preparing the content discussed. 💚

@syddlinden8966 5 months ago

The other thing with prioritizing is that sometimes the first thing that needs doing will rob all the spoons from other tasks that also NEED to get done.