I was incredibly lonely in my marriage, and I'm lonely now, but it's not the same kind of loneliness. I'm happier and healthier now out of marriage, and not walking on eggshells around my former spouse. Any time I consider getting into a relationship now, I just weigh whether sacrificing my peace is worth it, and it's usually not.

I have always brought “marriage” energy to my serious relationships, I’m an all or nothing person, a lot of people haven’t matched that energy. Now I am married, it hasn’t made me love my husband anymore than when we were not married.  I agree that it’s not necessary to be married, the important part in relationships is the commitment.

Thank you for being honest, raw, and candid about yourself and relationships.

Taylor we are in complete alignment with our view on relationships. I won’t get married again because when you’ve been married it’s things you just can’t unsee and unknow. I will forever protect and grow my autonomy and independence and freedom. And I will not exchange these for “love”. You take me as I am or leave me where you found me. It’s such a relief at this stage because I have done the hard work to know myself and learning from trauma and all, been tried thru the fire so to say. I am moving forward, not backwards. Romantic relationship will have to come as a byproduct of me living my life. And some days I get a pang for closeness intimacy, etc., but know it will pass and when it happens, it happens. ❤

Taylor, you have an awesome ability to talk about really personal and even contentious topics with ease. I hope you know that as one of your talents.

As a man of faith and autistic I was determined to stay loyal and not walk away from a bad marriage. It cost me my mental health, my physical health by trying so hard to prevent a bad outcome but it didn’t actually make anything better. Marriage is sacred when both people agree that it is sacred.

I can only control my own choices and even then I make a good amount of mistakes. Marriage can be beautiful but it can also cause us to stumble. It definitely isn’t for everyone just like college isn’t for everyone.

Thank you for being open and authentic.

It took me going to couples therapy to understand that my neurotypical husband had been interpreting my questions as judgments - for decades. I was trying to understand his experience/brain and he thought I was making critical statements. “Why did you do that?” as an earnest bid for understanding was always heard as, “You’re doing it wrong.” (I had to explain that if I thought he was doing something wrong, I wouldn’t veil it as a question. I would just tell him. Lol.)

I've been single 8 years and was diagnosed AuDHD 3 years ago.  My experience has shown me that marriage is not likely for me. I've never been married but have been in 2 long term relationships, and I'm starting to put together why, and I'm finally ok with that.

Thank you so much for sharing this!  I was just diagnosed this past summer with Autism at age 55 and it explained so much about why I struggled socially and especially in relationships (I've gone through 2 divorces now). A lot of people in this community talk about not liking to be touched so it is nice to see there are others like me who do like touch, who do love love, who want to cuddle and have companionship but who also want to be left the f*** alone to do my own thing! 😆 It's an impossible balance and even though you don't have the answers on how to manage that, it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this.

I appreciated what you said about finding creative ways to do life and love and relationships.

Pretty much every life-changing revelation I’ve ever had started with a realization similar to “it doesn’t have to be like this,” or “this is isn’t the only way.”

I am 60 years old and have had 2 men try to force me to give my body to them without my consent. I was one of the lucky ones who was able to get out of it before it went too far; but hearing you say it like that was so affirming and reassuring. We can feel like we know something but being validated that way is so helpful!

My partner and I (I'm diagnosed, he's not but we both have suspicions) have been together for 5 months, and I told him very early on that I will only consider marriage if there's some kind of end-of-life issue involved, like if one of us wants it on our death beds and/or it would make transferring the estate easier. He seems to be on board with that. I've been divorced once and he ended a 15+ year relationship several years ago, and neither of us has any interest in the formal rigamarole of marriage. We just want to build a life together and actively choose to love each other every day, and I think that's incredibly beautiful.

Words have meanings. I never need to make huge promises,  because each word I say is like a promise in a way. I almost never say a word if I don't really mean it. I don't need to be in a marriage to take my relationship seriously. I really agree with the sharing of interests and keep learning together. I love it too❤😊. Love does not mean becoming one like some people seem to think. That approach is super toxic to me. We are all separate independent spirits who can decide to share things, moments + supporting each in hard times while respecting boundaries.

As a Pisces myself this resonates with me. I have been married for 16 years to most supportive women I have ever met. I have certainly been lucky.

I’ve resigned myself to the possibility of being single forever.  I ask too many questions, am logical to a fault, am unconventional and don’t understand how people monkey branch from relationship to relationship without pausing for growth and reflection.  I like vision and purpose in relationships, and that is such a foreign concept to most men.  I’ve looked into the history of marriage and wedding rings, and just can’t blindly buy into them.  No one I have met sees past social norms, marketing and stereotypes, and I don’t want a relationship like that.

This resonates with me so much. My spouse, which was also autistic, passed away and I'm basically staying a widower unless I get a good offer. But as a man, we men don'' t get offers usually. I have been thinking about trying to find another autistic woman, because I love the love languages of autistic people, I love bluntness and I feel it is easy to connect as an autistic man to autistic woman, but in my country Latvia money is a huge issue. Only the most severe cases of autistic people get disability benefits. So many autistics at age of 40+ still live with their parents, still try to get that well paying freelance job which never comes and are struggling while their peers at 40+ have already rised their first child to middle school.   I'm also asexual and while I have learned so many strategies to keep my meltdowns/shutdowns to near zero, nothing has worked to change my asexuality which seems to be correlated to autism.  I'm totally romantic though, but most women don't understand how someone can be a man and a romantic person, but absolutely get bored instantly when it comes to taking clothes off. So I live with my cat and I doubt it will change soon. Because what I can bring to the table? Companionship, trust, commitment. But I can't bring money, status or sex.

I love seeing you doing no makeup + hoodie videos. This is what I’ve been rocking so much since I found out my AuDHD diagnoses. I realized just how tied to masking my “get ready” regimen was (and how laborious). It’s been freeing to finally realize that I can present myself in super comfortable clothing and no makeup and people will still treat me the same (and not shun me). 🤷🏻‍♀️

So much of this is so resonant for me. I am actually so surprised to be loving menopause; the pressure to hurry up and try to find a partner and get pregnant before my eggs dry up has been lifted, and now I can approach dating from a pure perspective of what I'd like in a companion, without NEEDING them.

I've watched a ton of your videos and although I'm not a woman, and don't have kids, they are still extremely helpful for me. In fact, you're one of the creators that helped me realize that I might be autistic and not just a socially awkward introvert, so thanks for that!

I just received a diagnosis last month at the age of 37, but spent the past year coping with the realisation that I might be autistic. I was married for 8 years, and during that time, I watched as a perfect and blissful relationship fizzled into a cold and distant cohabitation of two very different individuals. It ended in divorce five years ago, and I can't help but question if it would have met that fate had I known I was autistic during that time. Relationships have always been difficult for me and I think a lot of it is because I didn't really know who "I" was. I always felt like an alien walking around in a world that wasn't built for me. Now that I'm learning who I am, what I like, what I want to do, the type of person I want to be with, etc. I feel like relationships will be easier. The hard part is finding someone who's as equally nerdy, sceptical, inquisitive and quirky as I am. In the meantime, I've met an unexpected duality. On one hand, I enjoy solitude and "singleness;" on the other, I desperately want to find someone that I an enjoy this life with.

“Actions speak louder than words. A person can say the most beautiful things and match them to what they think you want to hear.” Experienced this. As an autistic person I expect others to be authentic too. My mistake was to take her at her word rather than observe her actions.

An ASD-AuDHD relationship is a whole nother level of hard work but I can trust my partner to be honest and it's the most beautiful thing. I hear you about the feeling of safety that comes with clarity. Also, his hyperempathy is beautiful. I don't believe NT men who feel that deeply exist. It's worth the work. Would 12/10 marry him if he wanted to one day (not ready yet) but we'd live apart. All of the space.