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How Avoidants Act When You’re Just an Option VS The One They Love

Philosophy Wisdom

221,241 views

Have you ever wondered why avoidant partners act warm one day and distant the next? In this video, we uncover the psychological truth behind avoidant behavior — how they treat you when you’re just an option versus when they actually fall in love.

You’ll learn the emotional patterns, the hidden fears, and the subtle shifts that reveal everything about where you truly stand in their heart. Whether you’re healing from an avoidant ex, dating someone emotionally unavailable, or trying to understand your partner’s silence — this video will give you deep clarity.

🧭 This video is for:
People who have experienced mixed signals, emotional distance, or confusion from an avoidant partner — and want to understand the psychology behind their behavior.

⚠️ Disclaimer:
This video is for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional therapy or psychological advice.

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#avoidantattachment #attachmentstyles #dismissiveavoidant #lovepsychology #relationshipadvice #emotionaldetachment #avoidantpartner #datingpsychology #emotionalintelligence

20 Comments

@ireefree2024 10 months ago

Never let a person tell you twice they don't want you. Healing is everyone own responsibility.

@YouDontSayYT 9 months ago

It’s DRAINING! If you’re anxiously attached, it messes with your mental state. RUN!

@killerXbuddyz5 9 months ago

As someone rejected one month ago by an avoidant, I will say: For the sake of your sanity, STAY AWAY from these people. They are the worst.

@GSolo-x3i 10 months ago

Someone like that is toxic and not worth your time.

@MoyaSima 10 months ago

Why should we care! They ruined our life and saw us as something they can use and throw because they are so selfish. Just don’t waste your time and focus on yourself.

@misterhenchmen 10 months ago

run. its not worth it. you deserve a grown up who can be responsible with how they treat you. don't fall for it. you are worthy of someone who is grown enough who has dealt with their issues and can be a good person to you. life is too short for that bullsh*t. you aren't their therapist or emotional rehab. run. now.

@ISEEKSPACE 9 months ago

After 16 years of experiencing this type of dynamic, I realize that a dismissive-avoidant will always prioritize their needs before yours. This includes their own priority over their family, their kids, their friendships, their relationships--doesn't matter. Their needs will always surpass everyone else's. They are the busiest, most aloof, cold, calculated, and emotionally detached people you will deal with. There will be moments of pure bliss with them, I experienced that, but it dimishes so fast. They will put you on a schedule only they can control and you will never have a say when you want to see them because you're not the priority. So if you like to be placed on hold, if you like being ignored, if you like having to go out of your way for a breadcrumb moment, then by all means, this relationship is for you. I just ended this friendship dynamic three days ago and they still don't know it--I haven't heard from them and so I said, I'm out. I'm ghost.

@MarcoHernandez-nb5dc 10 months ago (edited)

Avoidants avoid everyone even themselves 😮

@usersss100 11 months ago

I had no contact with my DA ex. She eventually text. I wished her happiness and told her not to text me again. I'm feeling more sane alone.

@effortmsimelelo5059 11 months ago

It's just too exhausting for us normal ppl..we give..give and they take.

@boris7276 1 month ago

There’s a book called The Hidden Rules of Attachment by Maya Ellison, and it talks about the patterns that quietly control who pulls away, who chases, and who slowly disappears in a relationship. It’s not the usual advice. It feels different.

@Millie_the_Mermaid 10 months ago

I don't ever want to be someone's "option," I will always want to be the person's "choice." I don't have the energy to go through this...jmo.

@shellymoo2606 10 months ago

Imagine my surprise when I found out I was being treated as an option. I was pissed at the audacity and hurt because I was so patient and understanding, or tried to be. The time wasted on my avoidant is time I will never get back. He definitely taught me to never want another avoidant again, only God has the patience and tolerance….my goodness the mental strength needed.

@stevenholt6604 10 months ago

The more you love the more they push away

@TuryaBaby 10 months ago

When you finally ground yourself, you don’t even care if they exist. That’s real freedom from your own chaser dynamic. It has nothing to do with them.

@CAMI-sx3to 10 months ago

This is the worst relationship I ever had. It's insane! This Guy called and texted me everyday sometime twice a day then all of a sudden the following week he ghosted me. I'm done way too crazy for me.

@HiBye444-i1k 9 months ago (edited)

Omg I just watched the whole thing….

There’s no difference between these two scenarios except what might be in their head but no one’s a mind reader. Coming and going, hot and cold, up and down, in and out… it is what it is. Abuse.

And believe me, many avoidants especially those who also are highly narcissistic which is very common, will come back and then lovebomb, devalue, discard again. It’s not healthy to tell people that some ridiculous vague differences in how they abuse your time and trust here means being loved vs not being loved. Absurd.

And no…… you will NEVER get a real avoidant to ever actually stop competing, stop fearing, stop pushing you away. Do not ever imply that an avoidant or a narcissist could ever change without therapy. They don’t stay. Coming back is the chaos for the partner.

This is really misguided. An avoidant offers zero safety to a partner, they do not change with love that’s so dangerous to say, and coming back is a common danger for their partners. Don’t ever let anyone who has done any of those initial things come back ever. The cycle will not end. This “are you good enough for them to change” narrative is quite frankly stupid. This is a very stupid person who made this, it likely an avoidant.

Again, I’m an actual psychologist so I’m telling people here point blank this is not accurate or acceptable information.

Sorry, it’s not all about catering to a damaged individual who actually needs counselling but won’t ever get it and will constantly ravage the emotions of a partner instead looking for “safety” which can’t exist for them and therefore can never be defined by them. All an avoidant really knows is that if a person ever asks them to be honest, consistent, faithful, or accountable they’re a terrifying enemy who is trying to trap them. Good luck with that! A relationship isn’t about throwing one’s life away trying to meet those insane expectations, it’s also about the other person and what they get out of the relationship. With an avoidant or a narcissist that will be pain, and a constant cycle of abandonment and then reappearing. The end.

@unvaccinatedlikejesus 11 months ago

They are awful people and not worth it. Walk away unless you enjoy pain.

@butterflysword88 10 months ago (edited)

This whole understand avoidants just pacifices people into staying with them, to keep understanding and holding on, meanwhile the whole time the avoidant is avoiding and carrying on with all their options while keeping you an option and destroying you emotionally, stop waiting on these people, send them off with love and let them figure out whatever they got going on and you go and find the things that will truly love you, choose you and wants to communicate and actually tries. Avoidance is just another word for excuses.