Never order fish on a Monday? A former health inspector explains the logic behind the rule, when it holds up, and when it doesn't, plus the 11 other things he skips when eating out.

Hint: it's rarely about a dirty kitchen. It's about the clock.

After walking through hundreds of restaurant kitchens, I learned that the biggest risks usually have nothing to do with what looks messy. They come from delivery schedules, how long food sits, and what temperature it's held at. The good news is that you can read most of those signals from your table, before you ever order.

In this video, I walk through all 12 rules, including:

• Why Monday fish is about probability, not a law, and the one question that tells you how fresh it really is
• What the danger zone (41 to 135°F) means for burgers, eggs, soups, and sauces
• The hidden problem with restaurant ice and the lemon on your glass
• How to spot a buffet that's doing it right, and one that isn't
• Three red flags you can see before you open the menu: a sprawling menu, a neglected restroom, and who handles the cash

This is for anyone who eats out and wants to order smarter without turning dinner into a worry. You'll leave with a 30-second checklist you can run as you walk in, and a simple framework (turnover, temperature, and clean hands) that explains every rule on the list.

No paranoia. Most restaurants are safe and most cooks care. You'll just know where to look.

Chapters are below if you want to jump to a specific rule.

0:00 A former health inspector shares twelve rules for identifying safe dining practices and avoiding foodborne illness.
0:17 fish
3:05 raw oysters
4:00 cheap sushi
5:34 rare or medium-rare burger
6:32 raw or barely cooked egg
7:34 reheated leftovers
10:23 ice machine
12:37 lemon
13:37 buffet
15:32 huge menu
16:56 bathroom
18:02 cash

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