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20% Who Don't Get Better | A Therapist's Perspective (Ellen Ronka)

Raelan Agle

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In this video, psychotherapist Ellen Ronka shares the hidden role shame plays in chronic illness - and why it's the missing piece that keeps so many people stuck even when they're doing "everything right".

CONNECT WITH ELLEN RONKA
🌐 Website - https://www.chronictocured.com
📸 Instagram - Instagram: chronic_to_cured
📱 YouTube - @chronictocuredwithellenronka
👉 Facebook - Facebook: EllenRonkaLCMHC
🦋 TikTok -- TikTok: chronic_to_cured

ALSO MENTIONED:
📗 The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown - https://amzn.to/3YFlDKA
📘 When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate - https://amzn.to/3wxkWHq
🌐 ATNS (Association for Treatment of Neuroplastic Symptoms) - https://www.symptomatic.me

LET'S BE FRIENDS:
🌐 Visit My Website - https://raelanagle.com
📸 Instagram - Instagram: raelan.agle

TIME STAMPS
00:00 😵 Why You Stay Stuck
01:22 👩⚕️ Meet Ellen Ronka
03:32 🔥 What Causes Chronic Symptoms
04:00 🔗 Danger Is Rarely Physical
05:48 😳 The Real Fear Behind the Symptoms
07:31 ⚖️ The Tension That Drives It
09:57 🧠 Isolation Triggers Same Alarm
11:02 💊 Why Addiction "Fixes" Shame
12:09 🔒 Why We Repress Emotions
13:38 🏅 The Most Vulnerable People
17:32 📖 Shame Shows Up As Thoughts
19:06 🤔 Affirmations Won't Help
20:09 🔄 Doing Everything Right, Still Stuck
24:36 🚫 NEVER Negotiate With Shame
25:23 💡 The Only Real Antidote
27:51 😤 Positivity Is Making It Worse
29:03 😓 Shame About Being Sick
32:59 🔁 The Cycle Nobody Talks About
36:44 💊 Your Diagnosis Doesn't Matter
38:08 🛠️ How Ellen Can Help
40:21 ⚠️ Self-Compassion Will Feel Strange

NOTE: This description may contain affiliate links to products I enjoy using myself. As an associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Should you choose to use these links, this channel may earn affiliate commissions at no additional cost to you. I appreciate your support!

REMINDER: This is for information purposes only and nothing I share should be considered medical advice. Please make your own assessment, do your own further research, and consult your trusted healthcare professionals before deciding if anything I talk about here might be right for you.

#chronicfatigue #mecfs #longhaul #cfsrecovery #mecfsrecovery #mecfsawareness #dysregulation #longcovidrecovery #cure #recoveryispossible #covidrecovery #recoverystory #chronicfatiguesyndrome #chronicillness #fibromyalgia #healthjourney #healing #mindbody #emotionalhealth #longhauler #dysautonomia #dysautonomiaawareness #brainretraining #neuroplasticitytraining #braintraining #highlysensitivepeople #neuroplasticity #pots #chronicpain #longcovid #postcovid s #dizziness #ellenronka #recoverystory #nervoussystemhealing #nervoussystemregulation

20 Comments

@Jolie_Jeune_Chose 6 months ago

Knowing what you're capable of and being stuck in bed is one of my biggest struggles.

@For71666 7 months ago

Raelan, you must be tired of hearing this, but thank you. I don’t think you can fully realize how many years of pain you help people avoid. Just thank you. We love you. You are making the world a better place.

@marygilmour5946 7 months ago

Really touched a nerve , get Ellen back soon please

@MicheleNealRaptureReadyUK 7 months ago

Wow! This is mind blowing! Finally... a video that deals with what I never knew was the root of my own 60 year struggle with life.
I was molested as a 3 year old and I used to hide in the wardrobe sobbing uncontrollably to try to deal with the pain. I have spent the rest of my life trying to hide the emotions of that trauma (plus many additional traumas) by doing the equivalent of 'hiding in the wardrobe' in an effort to cope with every day life. After 60 years of walking on this tightrope, my life and my health are a daily, even hourly intense fight for survival.
I had no idea that the emotion of shame was the root. But now I can see that every traumatic event that has happened in my 60 years has caused the emotion of shame to intensify.
Thank you for shining the spotlight on this profound truth. 🙏

@faith3305 6 months ago

I am so very grateful for this information! I have a shame-based disorder called Avoidant Personality Disorder, caused by childhood neglect, abuse, and bullying. Most therapists unfortunately don't treat it and make me feel more ashamed. Now I am sure of what is driving my symptoms. I have been practicing self-compassion, but what really helps me is if another person has empathy towards me. It's so rare, but so healing.

@paul7cope 7 months ago

Hi Raelan, I very rarely comment on YouTube videos but just wanted to say thank you for this interview (and for everything you do in general). I’ve been on this journey for a long time and every word about shame being underneath things for people who haven’t healed resonated massively with me, so I’ve contacted Ellen to join her programme. Thanks again, your channel has been such a source of knowledge and comfort in recent times and I’m extremely grateful for it.

@JellyFishHeart1 6 months ago

Aww and the bit where you feel like there’s opportunity to heal then I look Ellen up and realise it’s 3 k for a 12 week programme . This is the reality of our life anyone out there who is willing to help us heal at an affordable price . It’s heartbreaking and now I feel deflated . The whole point of this illness is we’re not able to work so income is a struggle .
A beautiful discussion I felt so much hope . I just feel heartbroken it’s just part of this door being shut on us .

@davinalakeman1753 7 months ago

I am sitting in Mexico on a five week “holiday” to try and decompress and also jump into MAJOR “exposure” to try and engage in life after years of agoraphobic anxiety and I am crying. This is it. This is the main issue for me. Thank you so much, I don’t know what to do next but at least I don’t feel so alone. ♥️

@amysin963 7 months ago

This video was everything you hyped it up to be. As a therapist (who used CFS Recovery to heal from long COVID), I stopped it so many times to take notes. This shame stuff applies to soooo many of my clients. Definitely have her back on, Raelan! ❤

@jmabeynot 2 weeks ago

Please have her back soon to share how she trains out of shame! This is such valuable content. Thank you!

@noemies.9665 7 months ago

Twelve minutes in and I already feel the most validated I have ever felt.

@karenpeters4457 7 months ago

John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You, came out in the 80’s and no one paid attention except the ACA and recovery communities. Funny how we think something is a new concept. Shame = something is wrong with me/you = I will be abandoned/rejected = if I’m abandoned I won’t survive - which is fundamental in the nervous system and true for survival. A baby/child needs a village to survive. Defective animals and infants in some cultures are left behind to perish.

@KMT7654 3 months ago

"Fear of disconnection" = broken relationships, seperation... it's the "shadow of death". You have truly gotten to the core of my fears. I couldn't have called it shame. That word doesn't resonate with me. But definitely "the fear of disconnection" does.

@Melted_Butter 7 months ago

I knew it was shame before I even pressed play. Toxic shame is tough to shift tho.

@adelerobertson3708 2 weeks ago

This was such a helpful interview. I'm a therapist, recovering from chronic fatigue, among other things, but still feeling stuck in certain areas. I have a new understanding and way of working mow, recognising and changing my relationship to shame. Game changing. Much gratitude.

@laurela6626 7 months ago

Another piece of the puzzle!—a big piece for me! And now I know why it feels so noxious to have empathy and compassion for myself! Just knowing the “why” of this and of the emotion of shame is going to help significantly in my healing journey. This is one of those interviews that I completely resonate with and will watch 2-3 times. Thank you Raelan and Ellen for helping me ‘put my puzzle together’!!!❤

@BillM-oz-bee 5 months ago

How do you train out of shame. Please do that episode. Thank you.

@Tortise02 4 days ago

For me, the lightbulb moment her was Raelan saying "A good person wouldn't make someone else upset". My Nan was my primary caregiver as a child. She was very kind and loving, but the thing I remember her saying (a lot!) was 'Be a good girl'. It was a hard thing for someone of 66 to look after a small child, I don't blame her, but I WAS a good child - I tried SO hard to be good. It made me into a chameleon, always trying to be what other people want and being afraid of them not loving me as I am. And from my early 20s, I've suffered with chronic symptoms. I'm 66 myself, now, but have great hope of recovery. Thank you!

@Fabelzier 7 months ago

OMG! It is amazing to hear this spoken out loud - yes, shame aka fear of disconnection is at the root of it all and what would keep us in perpetuation of symptoms if not addressed. Fear of disconnection to others AND fear of connection to your own authenticity makes feeling safe in your own body nearly impossible.
Learning to have empathy for myself has been such a game-changer (and has taken quite a while to not feel awkward, uncomfortable and even forbidden anymore. Still a work in process!)
Thank you so much, Raelan, for this interview with Ellen! I'd love to hear more!

@gudridurjohannesdottir 6 months ago

❤Shame! The missing link, hindering total recovery? Thanks so much Raelan. Your channel was the first step to my recovery journey 18 months ago. And still you are adding to my insight and recovery.❤You change lives, so, so grateful.❤