10:50 puppy dog eyes, heck; that dog is tired of your s***. Give her a coffee and an hour, and try again.

If you fart while pissing, it automatically goes into turbo mode.

The last one took me a second, but I'm still laughing now. XD

4:38 Have we assigned a title to the people born in 2026 yet? Megatron might be an acceptable name in the 2040s.
8:06 Valid, but you can only use this excuse once.

Too many of these were boring, this time.