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Friends - How Phoebe and Mike Redefined "Settling"

The Take

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For decades, fans of Friends have proclaimed that Phoebe settled by choosing Mike. While "bland" Mike may not be creative Phoebe’s type on paper, ultimately he offers her stability -- and the kind of “normal” home-centered life she’s long privately felt she wasn’t allowed to have. So how did Phoebe and Mike redefine what “settling” really is?

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20 Comments

@thetake Creator 4 years ago Pinned

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@Beanhill_94 4 years ago

She didn’t settle. She found someone who indulged her. Who loved her in all her awesomeness. Who was just as weird as her in some ways.

@trinaq 4 years ago (edited)

I never considered Phoebe "settling" by choosing Mike. In her own words, he provided a sense of stability and security that she lacked while growing up. He also reined in her craziness at times, such as proposing changing his name to "Crap Bag" to point out how ridiculous she was being about "Princess Conseula." They were a perfect match!

@ivy24x81 4 years ago

I don’t think dating someone who's different than you means you're "settling" for something that isn't right for you.. Phoebe and Mike compliment each other perfectly, actually.

@thehufflepuffhermione 4 years ago (edited)

I don't think she did settle. Mike just fit her lifestyle and personality better than David would have.

@chipacita90 4 years ago

I don't think she settled. Settling means lowering your standards in order to not end up alone, even if you're not happy. If anything, Phoebe changed her standards due to growing and maturing. They are happy, share similar values and sense of humor and more important, they support each other. I don't see it as settling.

@lindsaymorrison7519 4 years ago

There's a major distinction between settling down and settling. When you settle, you stay in a relationship where you don't feel understood, supported, or valued. When you settle down, you make a conscious choice to support and understand someone else because it's reciprocated and because you value each other.

@dayshawnalexander5654 4 years ago

She settled With her friend group. You can imagine someone as interesting and out of the box as her could’ve found more exciting interesting friends with more to talk about but you know she was happy and content because she found a family kind of. That transferred onto her character which makes the ending more realistic

@HerHollyness 4 years ago

This is the weirdest take I’ve ever heard. Phoebe didn’t “settle” in any sense of the word, nor redefine it. She grew and changed and realised that what she needed in her life was stability and normality. Mike offered that and David didn’t (never had). Mike was completely right for her.

@paulinaenck5797 4 years ago

She didn’t “settle,” she “settled down” with someone great who she loves. Big difference. Despite the highs and lows of Ross and Rachel’s grand love story being at the center, I think the show actually lines up with Monica and Chandler’s discussion about how soulmates don’t exist but instead solid relationships come from a combination of love, choice, and work. Mike and Phoebe love each other and chose to be together like Monica and Chandler because they love each other and balance each other out nicely.

@DarrenNoFun 4 years ago

My favourite story was when the show wrapped, a bunch of the actors and producers were hugging and crying and Paul Rudd supposedly walked over and joineed the hug saying "We did it guys, it was 10 long seasons, but we did it"

@summerskull9379 4 years ago

As a fellow "weird girl" I find myself drawn to the "normal" guys, and vice-versa (If I don't scare them off) I find it's a nice balance.

@Paulagonia 4 years ago

Actually this is the first time I ever hear Phoebe settled 😬

@smarterperson16 4 years ago

you must have sky high standards if you consider PAUL RUDD settling tbh

@ellaenchanted8407 4 years ago

I mean if she loves Mike and picks him over the "one", how is she settling? Just because you're with someone you didn't think you'd end up with doesn't mean you settled. That's like saying Elizabeth Bennett settled for Darcy.

@sds_09 4 years ago

I honestly think that either them or Monica and Chandler should have been the "it" couple of Friends. And I know I am not alone in that.

@PokhrajRoy. 4 years ago

I felt bad for Phoebe when people booed her as she proposed to Mike. I found it cute.

@XanderVJ 4 years ago

I never understood the people who said Mike was "boring". I mean, yeah, he's no Chandler, but calling him "boring" always felt like a pretty damn big stretch to me. He still had some funny lines, and damn if Paul Rudd didn't give his all.

@bananamanchester4156 4 years ago

Phoebe DOESN'T settle. She knows exactly what she wants and she gets it. The flaws with Mike's character (a bit bland) have nothing to do with PHOEBE's character.