OpenTube

You’ll Never Win With a Narcissist (According to Dr. Les Carter)

Kerry McAvoy, PhD

14,178 views

You’re never going to win with a narcissist—especially when it comes to a conflict

In this episode, Dr. Les Carter, psychologist, best-selling author, and expert on narcissism and emotional health, reveals why narcissist escalate every conflict. We dive into how this pattern plays out in everyday disagreements, why it derails problem-solving, and what you can do to protect your own emotional peace when dealing with a narcissist.

Learn:
• Why conflicts escalate quickly
• How narcissists use defensiveness and blame-shifting to avoid responsibility
• What maturity really looks like
• How to keep your composure so you don’t get pulled into reactive cycles

Whether you’re navigating conflict with a partner, family member, or coworker, learn how to spot the early signs of dirty fighting and how to respond in a way that keeps you grounded and in control.

PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
Find it here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenar... for the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter
OR become a Super Thriver of this channel for immediate access to this and over 40 over exclusive premium interviews.

MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA INTERVIEW
🔹 Ever wish you could walk away from a heated argument without feeling guilty—or second-guessing yourself? In the exclusive Podcast Extra interview, Dr. Les Carter shares the best strategies for stepping out of circular or controlling arguments before they drain you.

Learn how to recognize the exact moment a discussion goes off the rails, spot the tactics that keep you stuck, and drop the urge to “win” in favor of preserving your peace.

Get immediate access to this extended interview—and start to protect your peace better.

👉 Join today: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenar...

MORE ABOUT DR. CARTER
Books:
The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life: https://amzn.to/4fHDt6p
The Anger Workbook: An Interactive Guide to Anger Management: https://amzn.to/4mmUDJm
Imperative People - Those Who Must Be in Control: https://amzn.to/45Ai8ar

*******************
Feeling stuck in a toxic or troubled relationship?
Take my FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.
▶ Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/toxic-or-t...

READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?
• First Steps to Leaving online course – A step-by-step plan to safely and confidently leave a toxic partner: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club – Weekly group coaching, monthly book reads, access to past webinars, and Dr. McAvoy’s full online course: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/club/
• Group Programs– Healing Strong, Relationship Reset, and more: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/

STAY CONNECTED & SUPPORTED
• Weekly “Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse” Substack newsletter – Insights, stories, and tools for your healing journey: https://breakingfreenarcabuse.substac...
• Follow Dr. McAvoy:
YouTube: ‪@KerryMcAvoyPhD‬
Instagram: ‪@KerryMcAvoyPhD‬
Facebook: ‪@KerryMcAvoyPhD‬
• Email: hello@kerrymcavoyphd.com
• Website: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/breaking-f...

READ MY STORY
“LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross”
Available now: https://amzn.to/3NVMBXO

ABOUT Kerry McAVOY
Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., is a psychologist, author, and expert on cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding complex trauma. A survivor herself, her memoir “Love You More” offers an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse

DISCLAIMER:

All content, resources, and services provided through this business are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy, counseling, medical treatment, or legal advice. No client-therapist relationship is created by viewing or engaging with this content. If you are experiencing a crisis or mental health emergency, please call 911 (or your local emergency number) or seek immediate help from a licensed professional..

Chapter Titles:
00:00 – The Hidden Cost of Self-Protection
00:19 – Welcome Back + New Season Preview
01:16 – Introducing Fan Mail + Dr. Les Carter
03:05 – How Conflict Reveals Emotional Maturity
04:17 – Narcissism, Self-Protection & Dishonesty
07:01 – Projection & Defensive Patterns
08:11 – Realistic Pessimism in Relationships
09:01 – Toxic Optimism & Idealization
10:08 – Intuitives vs. Sensors in Conflict
13:02 – Handling Conflict That Turns Ugly
16:11 – Emotional Pain & Self-Awareness
25:56 – Time, Reciprocity, and Red Flags

20 Comments

@melle-32b 1 year ago

You can win without them.

@snell1476 8 months ago

The sense of freedom after you get away is frightening and awesome

@nicolasykes2298 9 months ago

You win when you go complete no contact and work on yourself and your healing

@Ellie-bo9uh 11 months ago

They are so strange,im so glad im out of the chaos.

@GlennaRosenthal-i2z 9 months ago

I know from personal experience. It was a reality I had to face. A family member I knew would never change.

@MsChris2707 1 year ago

You and Dr. Carter are the nicest people I can imagine. You both helped me a lot setting me free from the narcissist in my life

@Jim-t6v 1 year ago

I was nine yrs old - playing in the back yard with other kids. A kid picked up a rock and tossed it at me. It hit me in the head - just below the right ear. Blood started squirting out profusely. I ran to the house, climbed the stairs leaving bloody hand prints all over the wall as I climbed. I got to the kitchen where my narcissistic mother was and blood was everywhere. My mother just stood there - and did nothing. Absolutely nothing. After a few moments I realized I better do something - and do it quick. I grabbed a towel and held it to my head to slow the blood flow and my mother stood there glaring at me - and did nothing. I then realized then she was not going to help me. I finally convinced her to call an ambulance before I bled to death as blood was all over me and the floor. She finally did. I was so upset I can’t even remember her coming with me in the ambulance. I’m not sure if she even did. She didn’t like me or even want me.

@BaraSchmidt 1 year ago

Two of the kindest and most generous Professionals in the world of Narcissism education! These are the conversations we need - daily!
I am grateful to you both for all the awareness and support you offer the survivor communities!

Always

Keep it Kind, Speak Your Mind and...

Stay Healthy!!🧡🙏🏻

@amandaliverpool3374 1 year ago

This is my 2nd time watching and it won't be the last 😊❤

@stephenburling743 10 months ago

I'm glad to see that you're carrying a torch after Liz Carter has retired. You're in his videos have been very informative. thank you

@Odetta-c3y 8 months ago

I so enjoyed this interview with Dr. Carter. I miss him a lot I followed him for maybe 5 years on his YouTube channel and his understanding, explanations and ways to heal from being in a narcissistic abusive relationship has helped me to heal. It's been 4 years out of that relationship and doing the work to hill. It's been a year since the narcissist died and I'm finally on the other side of that and I am embracing the new me that I am. Thank you Dr Carter❤

@DavidW-e8z 2 weeks ago

You’ll always win by walking away.

@ElvanSavkli 7 months ago

He is great.

@godzillamanstreb524 11 months ago

How did I miss this😮 ~~~ excellent content, thank you both 🩷🩵

@AlexandraPetukat 6 months ago

Thank you very much!!!

@lisamcmahon-q1z 1 year ago

Absolutely brilliant, thanks both.
Missing you already, Les x

@heatherwhittaker6169 1 month ago

I don't argue.I offer an opinion ,and that's that.

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 1 year ago

Thank you for a great conversation.

@MsChris2707 1 year ago

@Kerry McAvoy you are asking the relevant questions and I appreciate your compassion. You were helping me a lot in staying strong to not go back. Thank you so much.