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Save yourself from wasting time with the wrong people

The Holistic Psychologist

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Not every person deserves the time it takes to figure out if they're capable of loving you well.

Some people aren't ready for a healthy relationship — not because they're bad, but because they haven't done the work to show up with accountability, curiosity, or emotional regulation. Learning to spot those signs early saves you from years of confusion, over-explaining, and wondering what you did wrong. In this video, Dr. Nicole LePera breaks down five signs a person isn't ready or capable of a healthy relationship, so you can choose people who bring you peace instead of people who cost you your peace.

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What you'll learn:

• Why choosing people who bring peace and contentment matters more than chemistry
• How ghosting reveals someone's capacity for real relationship
• Why healthy love requires repair and reconnection — and what it looks like when someone avoids that
• What avoiding accountability actually sounds like in real time
• What a real apology sounds like, compared to a fake one
• Why little curiosity about you is a quiet but telling sign
• How reciprocity and emotional intimacy show you what's actually possible with this person
• Why ongoing issues with different people, emotional regulation struggles, and suppressed emotions are patterns worth watching
• How to recognize someone's real capacity to grow with you

Key Points: 5 signs a person isn't ready or capable of a healthy relationship

0:00 Intro 5 signs a person isn't ready or capable of a healthy relationship
1:12 Choose people who bring peace and contentment
1:34 Ghosting
2:52 Healthy love & partnership require repair and reconnection
2:59 Avoiding accountability
3:45 A real apology sounds like
4:35 They show little curiosity about you
5:00 Reciprocal relationships
5:27 Emotional intimacy
5:57 Ongoing issues with different people
6:20 Emotional regulation and communication issues
6:55 Intensely suppress emotions
8:00 Capacity to grow with you
8:20 Safe and nourishing for everyone
8:38 Share in the comments: Which of these signs have you noticed in most of your past relationships? What did you end up learning about your own needs as a result of it?

#healthyrelationships #relationships #emotionalintelligence #emotionalregulation #healingrelationships

20 Comments

@matthewrose8451 10 months ago

If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone... You have already forgotten your value.

@yukio_saito 10 months ago

Toxic people are not curious about you. They are only interested in what they can take advantage of from you. 😮

@thedevilandhertrumpets4268 10 months ago

It’s shocking to me how few people actually take interest in others. In nearly all dating situations, no man has asked me anything of value or significance about myself or the potential relationship. It’s just baffling to me how one dimensional most people are.

@ericajones2537 10 months ago

Long story short: NEVER ignore your intuition, red flags. Avoid avoidants.

@simmerdownandvibe 10 months ago

Emphasis on WILLINGNESS to work on it 💯

@JustMe-q7v7i 3 months ago

Not everyone who suppress their emotions are people pleasers. Some are just emotionally stunted

@aquariusstar7248 10 months ago (edited)

I will say i was a ppl pleaser and rescuer, so i was always falling out with ppl. It has taken time for me to assess where this pattern came from but now that i have clarity, I expect to have fewer friends and fallouts bc i wont be taking on ppl's problems and abandoning myself anymore. As a matter of fact, fewer ppl are attracted to me since Ive shifted this pattern

@KatherineBuhr 10 months ago

I found past relationships were one-sided and couldn't get emotionally intimate with them. Felt like I was a stranger in the relationship as it felt like they didn't want to know about me.

@SpookySoulBleach 3 months ago

The problem is that the vast majority of people aren't willing to self-reflect or work on their issues. I feel like an asshole for being so angry and bitter after spending so much time and effort into therapy for people who expect me to do 100% of the emotional labout and lose their shit the second I ask for input from them.

@idied16 10 months ago

Seeing this in friendships as well as romantic relationships. Thankfully, can also see what I need to work on so I can prepare to be in more healthy relationships.

@TinkerShell1856 9 months ago

Thank you for this! 💜 This is my sister. I have tried for 60 years, but I am DONE. I’m not making excuses for her anymore. I’m ignoring, “but she’s family!” I admitted that our relationship is toxic and apologized for my part, but it’s not reciprocated. She makes excuses, acts like everything is just fine and that she didn’t do or say anything hurtful, then sweeps it under the rug forever. No more. I’m not playing this toxic game. Thank you for the validation! I will live my senior years in peace 😌☮️💟

@intuitiveowl 10 months ago

It's healthy to "repair and reconnect"--BINGO! That's the exact description I needed. 'Hold a grudge-give silent treatment -ghost' is the formula with some in my family. I don't think some of my family knows how to connect in a healthy way. I am learning healthy ways and growing. Some just want to keep "playing the game". These videos give much needed info on growing any relationship. Thank you so much!♥️♥️♥️

@yourtruename 10 months ago (edited)

I left the connection with my dad, my ex and my situationship, because of these reasons. All of the signs. The situationship was genuinly intersted in me though. Sometimes. And sucessfully apologized a few times. We did create a level of emotional intimacy, but then came the retrival og the people pleasing and the shutting down of emotion. The avoidance. Fortunately I have become healed enough as to see through it, and don't take it personal, just observe, and around about after a year, I'd seen and heard enough, so that I knew for sure. He did better some of his behaviours, but there's a lot of work to be done, and that work is his, not mine 🌸💖
Love him, just don't want to deal with him, in that state. Excruciating and stressfull. Tears, deprived sleep, stressed out, overly alert, focused on his needs and wellbeing, more than my own. Not good for me.

@laurens9561 8 months ago

I live in a place where everyone has issues. It's very rare to encounter anyone who has truly done their work, let alone are sociable and interesting on another level.

@paula-ni7kz 10 months ago

That's my mother and I live with her. Needless to say we can't overcome any issue because she 100% shuts down. If I try to resolve and reconnect she accuses me of being sensitive. I'm just unwilling to be treated like shit anymore so I put up boundaries. And I'm the bad guy. Because I want to talk about something that goes wrong to resolve it, I'm apparently dragging it on and on. Instead I'm supposed to pretend the issue didn't happen and dance around the house all smiles. No thankyou. In spelling it out in this comment I see how rediculous she truly is. Hoorah for fleshing things out 👏

@emmascreativecorner1606 9 months ago

These signs can also commonly be present in a person on the autism spectrum so sometimes divergence could explain these.

@precious4111 10 months ago

people not reciprocating....

@Rhjnkiitewsxbmlp 10 months ago

That was me but I’m improving slowly ✊🏻

@moroccogirl9096 4 months ago

I love how Nicole breaks everything down & what she talks about is definitely relatable. Too many people have experienced this or currently experience this now. I grew up in dysfunction & unhealthy patterns. I have taken on some of the same habits & although, familiar, attracted toxic relationships. Now that I'm awakened, I see what needs to be changed & who needs to be let go of. Easier said than done of course, but I'm trying. I definitely need to get a couple of Nicole's books! Thank you for using your voice to help people like me. Sending love & light to all who need it! We can get through this. Just one day at a time.

@hoppingwren 10 months ago (edited)

It broke my heart to leave a relationship earlier this year, but he had all the signs of my ex where the relationship became dangerous for us both. I'm proud of myself for learning to say no to the wrong kind of connection (for me). Now to start the multiyear process of being able to say yes to the right thing.